Time for Transitioning

It’s almost the end of the school year. Summer will officially be here in a week. It is time to get ready for “transitioning.”

To me, “transitioning” means making changes, both good and also a little burdensome. One thing I adore about summer is the longer days. Casual weekends. Less structure. Freedom to just “be.”

It also means a break from the stress of my son’s school and after school schedule. A break from the stress of homework and finding non-threatening ways to encourage getting the homework done. A break from the frantic race to get my son to school on time. A break from the seemingly unending “mundane.”

But with sending our son to day camp come some additional “burdens.” Instead of daily homework will be almost daily laundry. Lots of stain remover. Remembering to pack certain camp items on certain days. Sunscreen, ad nauseum. Bug spray and anti-itch remedies that actually work. And no after camp activities. Perhaps a dunk in our local pool, instead, which certainly is not a burden, especially on wickedly hot days!

I’m not sure I’m quite ready for this transitioning. I AM ready for my son to finish Second Grade. I gladly welcome the break from the insane homework. But I think I need a little vacation between school ending and day camp starting the very next week. The forms that need to be filled out. Medical forms as well. Making sure that I have at least 10 bathing suits because my son needs to take 2 to camp each day. I am desperately hoping that my son will still fit into some of the camp shirts we “accumulated” last year. Otherwise, the one camp shirt they provide for the campers needs to be washed e v e r y   s i n g l e   d a y.

I also need to transition the trunk of my car. Every summer I restock my first aid kit. I make sure I have plenty of water resistant bags to collect impromptu wet clothing from swimming excursions or water fights at a friend’s house. It also means going through the bag of clothes I keep in my trunk and take out the fall/winter/outgrown clothes and replace them with some summer items, including shoes, crocs and a rain jacket. And towels. You never know when you need extra towels.

Speaking of towels, I have surrendered sending my son to camp with expensive, colorful, monogrammed beach towels. For three years in a row now, I have had these nice towels “taken” from my son, never to be seen again. With my son’s full name monogrammed on them! In BOLD block letters! Two inches in height!! This year the nice beach towels go to the beach or the pool. Instead, my son is going to camp with old, ratty, light color towels with his name boldly printed on each side with a black laundry marker. If anyone wants them, they can have them. They were almost ready to become rags anyway.

Summer also means having to go through my and my son’s summer clothing to see what still fits and what can be given away. It also means filling our closets with the summer wear and putting our bulkier clothing into drawers or other closets. Same with shoes and coats. Right now I have in my closet cashmere sweaters mixed in with sleeveless tops. What’s wrong with this picture? I also buy clothing for my son “off season.” There’s only one problem. I often forget that I bought him certain items at greatly reduced prices, shove them in the “to grow into” drawer, and pull out 3 of the same item come next season. Which is not an entirely a waste because the “doubles” can be used for the car bags come the end of summer.

Finally, there are the “pool bags.” Expired sunscreens and insect repellants need to be tossed and replenished. Goggles and sunglasses for my son need to be checked to make sure they still fit. Various sundries need to be gone through and updated. Even the pool bags need to be inspected for overuse. I almost feel like I have to remember to replenish diaper bags after an outing!

All this transitioning for 10 weeks of summer.

But ain’t it grand?!

Potty Training: Part II

I should have known better. I should have listened more attentively. I am the kind of mother who pays attention to her child’s burgeoning milestones. But somehow, I missed the cues on this one.

When my son was 11 months old, he wanted to “walk” down the stairs face forward. I let him. I held on to his hands as he dragged one foot after the other down the flight of stairs. And then he would crawl to the top and we would start all over again. Everyone fought me, allowing my 11 month old, who wasn’t even walking yet, walk down the stairs face forward. “Teach him to crawl down backwards,” I heard. “You’re making a big mistake letting him do that,” was another comment (I defer to our Blogger, Laura Houston’s blog from last week here). Still, I held my head up high and said plainly, “He sees all of us walking down the stairs face forward, he is going to learn to do it eventually anyway, so why not teach him the proper way now and allow him to practice while supervised?” Still, I got horrified looks and comments.

At age 2, my son wanted to learn to cut using real, adult scissors. Not the blunt tip, children’s type. Real, sharp, adult scissors. He was relentless. We had them locked in a top drawer in our kitchen and my son would hang on the drawer, cry and tantrum, aching to use those scissors himself. One day, I couldn’t take it any more. I thought, “You want to learn to cut using real scissors, go ahead, let’s cut.” We sat on the floor for almost an hour with my son perfecting the cutting  of tape off a spool. Once all of the tape was used up, I explained that there was no more, but when I was able to get more, we would practice again. My son has never had a scissor injury, and every nursery school teacher had commented that they never saw a child my son’s age cut paper for crafts so well.

By age 3, my son was done with the toddler climbing apparatus at the park. He was ready to master the apparatus for ages 5 and up. I let him go. Again, I had horrified looks from parents. One mother could see my son’s Pull-Up sticking out above his pants and actually said, “Children who still wear diapers should not be playing on this equipment!” I asked her to show me where that “rule” was written anywhere in the park facility. She turned her back on me. My son mastered the “older children” apparatus. And when he was unsure of himself, he always knew to ask me to help him off. But in general, I let him test his wings to his heart’s content. And to this day, other than bruises, he has never injured himself doing any of the things he knew he was capable of doing. He even jumped off our local pool diving board at age 3 with my husband assisting him to the side of the pool. Today, at age 7, he does aerial flips off that same diving board and swims to the side himself. The lifeguards cringe. I stand next to them and reassure them that my son knows exactly what he is doing.

Finally, when it came to potty training between 2 - 3 years old, my son resisted with a vengeance. After getting into so many exhausting battles, I gave up and thought, “Fine.You want to take Pull-Ups in your backpack to Kindergarten and change them yourself, be my guest.” I literally gave up. My son was not ready to make this monumental change yet. I backed off and went my merry way.

One day, my son’s nursery school teacher pulled me aside on a Friday afternoon, when I went to pick my son up from nursery school. She said that he told her that he wanted to wear the Spider man underwear like the other boys. He was a little more than 3  and 1/2 at the time. So his teacher and I devised a plan that I would take him to buy Spider man underwear over the weekend, make a huge deal about wearing the underwear to school on Monday instead of Pull-Ups, and I would pack several changes of clothes and shoes should he have accidents during the day.

My son had one accident that first day, and never had another after that. He knew he was ready. He knew it was time to “graduate” to “big boy underwear.” By letting him take the lead, he was hugely successful! And it was all because I let him determine when he thought the time was right!

So, I was rather taken aback when my son, who has been wearing Huggies Goodnights to bed since he was 4, all of a sudden said to me that he didn’t want to wear them anymore. They were always fully saturated every morning. And my son is a very sound sleeper. There is no waking him in the middle of the night to take him to the bathroom. But I wanted to respect my son’s request even though the “evidence” proved otherwise.

I put a water absorbing liner on top of his sheet and explained that we would use it “just in case” of an accident. We also restricted his fluid intake 2 hours before he went to sleep. He also had to empty his bladder when we saw he was getting sleepy. And we sent him off to bed that first night with me thinking, “This is not going to work. He’s too sound a sleeper.”

My son did have an “accident” that first night. However he went 2 weeks straight after that night not wetting his bed at all!! He knew he could do it! He knew he was capable! Yet, to my surprise, after all of these years, I failed to see the cues and be more in touch with my son and his own understanding of meeting his own needs and milestones!

This past weekend marked 2 straight weeks of no accidents! I gave my son a “Medal” of accomplishment and I asked him to help me take the liner off the top of his bed! He was ecstatic! He graduated to “Big Boy” status!! Yet, unlike the times I knew he could accomplish certain risky things, this time I wasn’t so certain that my son would be as successful in this situation. But I did honor his request to try. And now I am as unsure as to who is more proud, my son or me!

I’ve always been highly in tune with my son. But I think that, of late, my own life events and personal issues have overridden being more in touch with my son and his emerging needs and fulfillments as he grows. I never want to lose that innate understanding of my son. And I always want us to have strong bonds through communication and nonverbal actions.

This was a huge wake-up call for me. One that I am taking quite seriously.

We started putting a Lego set together over the weekend but never finished it. I think tonight, it will be successfully completed!

My Little Camper!

My son went camping for the first time this past weekend. His father bought a spacious tent and invited one of my son’s friends and his father to join them. As told to me by my husband, my son, who was quite trepadatious at first, ended up having a terrific time!

The day before they left, I presented to my son some cute camping items I thought he might like to take with him. I bought him a children’s lantern which also had a base that served as a night light, emitting a soft, orange glow. He received a bug catching container for his birthday, so I packed that so that he could catch fireflies. And the most exciting item was a shark patterned, child’s sleeping bag (my son loves sharks!) to sleep in! My son took one look at the sleeping bag and pronounced that he had to take ALL (and I do mean ALL) of his stuffed animals to help him feel less scared.

The next day, my son was up and dressed at the crack of dawn! With ALL of his stuffed animals in the sleeping bag! I thought his father would object, but my son was so insistent, that the “animal sleeping bag” went camping along with everyone else!

Once at the campsite, everyone set up the tent. 

Then the boys found frogs (yes, boys love frogs), 

and even had a ride on the camp fire truck!

The campsite happened to be family friendly, so the boys got to swim in the pool and play games that were available! My son made more friends to play tag around the campground with and showed his new “friends” how to use the bug catcher container once the fireflies appeared at dusk!

Once it was dark, my son helped build a fire for roasting marshmallows and began roasting marshmallows for everyone since he does like roasting marshmallows but doesn’t like to eat them! 

After the marshmallow roast at the campfire, the camp had Disco Night! It is hard to believe that these kids had the energy to “do the hustle,” but hustle they did!

The day finally came to an end. My son crawled into his sleeping bag with ALL of the stuffed animals and put on his lantern night light until he fell asleep.

The next morning, my son was still tucked inside his sleeping bag, but the animals seemed to have “escaped.”

Once everyone was awake, the campsite set out a “Camper’s Breakfast” of pancakes and other assorted items. Then it was back to the tent to pack up and spend a day at Splish Splash water park!

For a boy who was so afraid to go camping and sleep outside (and have to bring ALL of his stuffed animals!), it seems that he fared very well! He said that he would go camping again...but that he STILL might need to bring SOME of his stuffed animals!

Let’s hope he doesn’t need to bring all of these animals on our cruise!!

You are Invited to Attend

My son’s birthday was this past Friday. We had his birthday celebration on Saturday, which happened to also be MY birthday! It was at a gorgeous local pool, and the weather was the best we have had in weeks! Warm enough to swim; cool enough to relax in the shade, and no humidity! We had a perfect birthday on a perfect day!

What irks me, though, is that I have found that year after year, I always have to hunt down parents who fail to respond to the invitations I send out. I always send them out about a month before the party date, because I know families are busy during the summer months, or go away. I additionally put not only my phone number, but also my e-mail address on the invite so that for someone like me, who has limited time to chitchat, the parent can send out a quick e-mail message indicating whether their child can attend or not.

This year was the worst. Not only did I have to make multiple calls during the week before the party, the parents whom I did get in touch with gave me some of the most ridiculous responses. For instance, one Mom said that she would have to get back to me closer to the day of the party because if the weather was nice. She wanted to take the family to the beach. When I mentioned that adults were welcome to swim at the pool and that her son could even bring his brother along, she said she still was not sure. She ended up e-mailing me late the night before the party to say that her son couldn’t come.

Then there was the Mom who said that her daughter had a party to go to on the same day and that if her daughter wasn’t having fun at the first party, she would leave that party and come to my son’s. She never showed so I assume her daughter was having a good time at the other party.

And finally, one mother wanted to know if another particular child was going. She said that she would not let her son go if the other boy would be attending, because the two boys don’t like each other. When I said that the other boy’s parents hadn’t responded yet, she said to give her a call when they do, and that if the other boy was not coming, she would let her son come. (Incidentally, neither boy came because I never heard back from the first one, so I didn’t have any information to give the second one.)

There were also the no-shows. Mom’s who said that their sons would definitely be there but ended up MIA. And there were no follow-up calls indicating why the boys didn't come! To make this particular incident even more outrageous, one family happens to live six houses from the pool!! I just don’t get it.

Has the world become so bogged down with so much to keep track of that they can’t leave a simple message on the phone or through e-mail? I will give one Mom a little credit. She called me back very quickly after I called her home to see whether her daughter would be coming to the party. She apologized profusely and said that she had the party invitation in her pocketbook with the intent to RSVP, but the invitation got swallowed up inside her bag. At least she was carrying the invite around with her!

Until I can figure out a system that will work better, so that I am not scrambling to put goody bags together at the last minute with an undetermined head count, I guess I’ll be flying around, flapping my wings to make sure that I have everything ready, no matter who shows up or not. And I do want to thank those parents who actually did RSVP in a timely manner! One Mom even offered to come early and help set up! Two thumbs up for that Mom! Although I did decline her generous offer.

In the end, as stressful as putting a party together can be, the most important thing is that the kids had a great time! My son was ecstatic, and I had a terrific birthday, chatting with many of the Moms who are also my friends, while basking in the glow of my son’s happiness!

What more could I ask for on my birthday??

My Happiness Project - by Cara

For those of you who missed reading my blog from last week, I discussed how my fifteenth wedding anniversary was coming up on Memorial Day Weekend. The issue, though, was that my husband and I are newly separated. I knew that if I were to stay at home, I would be crying and grieving the entire weekend. I decided that the best thing I could do was to get away to a place that would distract and enthrall me enough to try to “forget” that it even was my anniversary. Here I chronicle what I term, my own Happiness Project.

I made the decision to go to the Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas. I had been there for short stays twice before. I adored everything about this resort! From it’s many pools and water activities, to an expansive underground aquarium, to rock climbing! I loved it all!!

I arrived at the hotel at approximately 6 pm and after dropping my things off in my room, I headed for the outdoor bar for a large tropical drink! It relaxed me and set the tone for the rest of my stay! I perused the hotel, the choice of activities offered, walked to a nearby shopping area, and essentially just took in the gorgeous surroundings! Although there were may options to partake of, including a Sheryl Crow concert at the hotel, I simply just wandered around, collected brochures and mulled through them once I returned to my room.

I couldn’t have asked for a nicer location as hotel rooms go (remember, I AM the Hotel Snob - see Archives under same title). I had a room at the end of the hallway, away from elevators, traffic, maintenance rooms, but most importantly, right next to the beach and ocean! The sound of the ocean washing onto the shore was so relaxing, I left my sliding door open all night, every night!! I loved falling asleep to the sound of the rolling waves!

When I woke up the following day, I decided not to sign up for any specific activities, except for the Sheryl Crow concert, so that I could lounge and relax. I found a sparkling pool that had cutouts in rock, lining the pool. Through those oblong cutouts, you could see portions of the aquarium that ran behind it! It was so amazing! I went to get my phone, praying I wouldn’t drop it in the water, and took photos of these aquarium cutouts! Later on, I uploaded them to friends as my computer had internet service, but my phone didn’t.

When some clouds started wandering by, I decided to head back to shower and change. Once clean and happy, I ventured to the excursion desk to see if I could plan an activity or two for the following day. When I visited the hotel last year, I swam with dolphins. This time around, I decided to try swimming with sea lions! I went to book my adventure, but was told it was sold out for the whole next day. And I would be leaving the day after that. A lovely lady who worked at the excursion desk suggested that I go on a sea lion adventure that was offsite, but close by. She suggested I come down at 9 am the next morning to make sure I got a slot in the schedule.

The next day, I ran down, in my pajamas no less, to the excursion desk. The lovely lady who was there the day before was working again that day and remembered me from the night before. She first tried calling the sea lion tour that was offsite, but did not get an answer. On a whim, she tried calling over to the hotel’s sea lion facility and explained that I really wanted to go on the sea lion excursion, that I was only one person, and could they possibly squeeze me in that day...and they did!! It was the last excursion of the day, but that lovely lady got me in to swim with sea lions!! I was so excited, I hugged her! I then went back to my room to see how I would fill up the rest of the day. I decided to swim some more, walk along the beach, and sit in a float and go down the lazy river! Well, I did most of what I wanted, except for the lazy river. There were quite a few children there and all of the floats were occupied. I thought of my son and how the two of us laid on a two-person float last year and floated the mile of lazy river together! I decided to wait to go down the lazy river when I came again with my son!

Then I was ready to play with the sea lions! I boarded a hotel shuttle to travel to the area where the dolphins and sea lions were kept. They had us put wet suits on over our bathing suits. Then, after a lengthy, but quite informative orientation of the facility, we met all of the sea lions, even the 4-month-old babies! These “babies” weighed 150 pounds!! The biggest male sea lion they had weighed 500 pounds!! That’s a lot of sea lion!!

The sea lion we interacted with was named “Pippin.” She was a highly trained female who worked with a female trainer. The trainer had Pippin do some tricks and show off for us. Then we were able to get into the water with her. First everyone had a chance to pet her and get a picture taken petting her. Pippin even stuck her tongue out at the camera on queue! We then learned about some of the commands the trainers teach the sea lions. One was a kiss on the cheek. Everyone got a chance to get “kissed” by Pippin and “hugged” too! For the less squeamish, we could feed Pippin a fish as a treat. I decided to go for it! When would I feed a sea lion again?

Once the sea lion excursion was over (and another nice woman worker, who felt badly that I was there by myself, gave me a free snorkel, mask, and bag to take home to Brandon!), I shuttled back to my hotel and poured myself into my room to take a short nap. Then it was up and out to visit the “Bar on the Beach.” After 2 daiquiris, I, along with all of the other patrons, were dancing together with the bartenders, laughing and having the time of our lives!! When was the last time I uninhibitedly danced at a bar?? Too many decades ago, that’s for sure!! The bartenders stayed open a full extra hour for us, and played lots of music from my “era!” Once they closed down the bar, I stumbled to my room (those daiquiris were DAIQUIRIS!!). I wasn’t hungry and too “tipsy” to wander around, so I went on to my computer and made it an early night. Again, falling asleep to the sound of lapping waves!

I woke up the next day late!! I don’t remember waking up so late in ages!! I wandered downstairs to get coffee. I came back and dressed. But this was my REALLY relaxing day!! And the Sheryl Crow concert was that evening!! I took lots of photos, visited the aquarium the hotel is known for and took the day in stride. Then it hit me! I would be leaving this Paradise early the next morning!! I didn’t want to leave!! It was too soon!! I went to the front desk and inquired about the shuttle service I would need to pick me up early the next day. I found out that it was too late in the day to arrange it! There would be no way to get a shuttle the next morning to make it to the airport on time!! I called Jet Blue. They said for a $40 flight change, they could put me on a later, direct flight. I took it! I took the latest flight they had!! I could stay!! Even a few more hours made me elated!! I dressed for the Sheryl Crow concert, dancing around to the song “Soak Up the Sun!!”

I knew that luck was on my side, once again, when I went to the theater and found that they had given the same seat to both a gentleman who was part of a 10-person party and me. I didn’t want to break up the party, and since the box office made the mistake, and again, because I was by myself, they gave me a seat 4 rows from the stage!! I was so close, I could count every one of Sheryl’s waves in her hair!! I yelled and screamed, and even got up on the chairs like everyone else and danced my heart out!! I felt free! I felt unencumbered! Like I didn’t have a care in the world!! Like a feeling I haven’t felt in decades!

I am home now. I slept with my little boy the night I returned because he had fallen asleep by the time I arrived back. I wanted him to wake up knowing Mommy had returned, as promised, and I was right there next to him. Along with a bag full of presents for him to dive into once he woke up.

I titled this blog, “My Happiness Project” because I brought a book along on my trip called, “The Happiness Project,” by Gretchen Rubin. I fortunately or unfortunately, never even had the chance to crack open the book. But I set out to find happiness for myself, and I certainly did just that! Thus, the title of this blog.

One last thing; I have found that traveling alone can offer quite a few benefits! The best being finding your own happiness, any way you can!!
The second best is getting quite a few perks for being a solo traveler! I highly recommend it for anyone who is game!! Oh, and I WILL be going back to Paradise! Very soon!!