Twas the Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, 

Except for myself.

My child was sleeping, all snug in his bed.

While visions of Nintendo games, flew through his head.

Only I heard the sound of reindeer hooves clatter,
Which made me sigh, "Now what's the matter?"

With ribbon and gift wrap still clutched in my hand,
I descended the stairs, and saw the old man.

He was covered with ashes and plenty of soot, 

Which fell with a shrug, all underfoot.
"Oh great," I muttered, "Now I have to clean the rug too."

"Ho-ho-ho!" cried Santa, "I'm glad you're awake."
"Your gift was especially difficult to make."

"Thanks, Santa, but all I want is some time alone."
"Exactly!" he chuckled, "I've made you a clone."

"A clone?" I asked, "What good is that?
Run along, Santa, I've no time for chit-chat."

She was my twin. Same hair, same eyes.
Same look of chagrin, same gaze of surprise.

"She'll cook, she'll dust, she'll mop every mess.
You relax, take it easy, read a book, go to bed."

"Fantastic!" I cheered. 

"My dream come true!
"I'll internet shop. I'll read. I'll sleep the whole night through! "

From the room above, my son began to fret.
"Mommy?! I’m scared...is Santa here yet?"
The clone replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart."
"Hey," I smiled, "She knows her part."

The clone went to comfort my son with a tune.
"You’re the best Mommy ever. " I heard my son swoon.

“I really love you." The clone smiled and sighed, 

"I love you, too," my sweet son replied.

I frowned and I said, "Sorry, Santa, no deal. "
“That's my child's love, she's trying to steal."

Smiling wisely Santa said, "To me it is clear, "
Only one loving mother, is needed here."

I kissed my child, and tucked him into bed.
"Thank you, Santa, for clearing my head.
I sometimes forget, it won't be very long,
When he'll be too old, for my cradle-song."

The clock on the mantle began to chime.
Santa said to the clone, "It works every time."
With the clone by his side, Santa merrily said, "Merry Christmas to all!”

To me he whispered, “And to you, a good night!”

We wish all our readers a very Happy New Year!!

Helping Children Deal with Loss and Grief of a Pet

My son saying goodbye to his favorite companion

It has been a little over five weeks since the loss of our beloved female dog. During this time, my son has been acting oddly, with no real explanation for his behavior. He has been going to the school nurse with various maladies. The nurse knew of our loss, so she has been very caring and tolerant of his visits to her.

My son had been complaining about headaches, stomach aches, eye problems, neck strain...and he has been biting his fingernails half way down his nail beds. As a mother, knowing your child is suffering inside, is excruciatingly painful. We read appropriate books for children on the loss of a pet. I spent countless hours having conversations with my son about his feelings of losing our dog. Still, days and weeks have gone by and my son has lost interest in his normal activities. My husband and I even spent our entire parent/teacher conference discussing my son, his behaviors and his apparent disinterest in school activities due to his grief.

The first thing we did was to speak with the school psychologist about having our son meet with her a few times. She readily agreed to do so. I then decided to do an Internet search on how children grieve and what could be done to help my son through his grief.

I learned that children grieve very differently from adults. The death of a family pet is often the first death experienced by a child. Children naturally develop strong attachments to companion animals, relating to them as siblings, playmates, confidants and even imaginary protectors. Although children experience grief differently than adults, they do grieve. They need support and guidance to understand their loss, to mourn that loss, and to find ways to remember and memorialize their deceased loved one. Children look to us for guidance in word as well action. The death of a beloved pet presents an emotional stress, even for a well-adjusted adult. Thus, it is important for adults to access bereavement supports in order to deal with their emotions and be more effective parents for their children. Also, we must avoid projecting our own overconcerns on a child, creating problems that would not have otherwise existed.

There are age related stages related to the death of a pet. For my eight year old son, children in his age group know that death is irreversible. They do not normally think this might happen to them, but they may be concerned about the death of their parents. My son mentioned to me that I had to live to at least 90 years old. They are very curious and may ask questions that appear morbid. These questions are natural and are best answered frankly and honestly. At this age they may manifest their grief in many ways, such as school problems, anti-social behavior, somatic or physical concerns, aggression, and withdrawal or clinging behavior. As with young children, it is important that they be reassured that they did not do or say anything that caused the death.

A child’s ability to cope with an animal companion’s death can be compromised by other stresses, such as parental or sibling conflict, mental health issues, and other family pressures. Children in high stress families often develop early dependencies and attachments with a family pet. When that companion dies, it may create a crisis for that child.

As adult helpers and caregivers, we need to be mindful of our own loss history and any gaps in bereavement support for us, particularly when we were children. Many of us have early memories of a pet loss. They may be punctuated with resentment due to a lack of factual information or parental preparation regarding a pet’s death. Too often, we still have feelings that we were excluded from opportunities to say goodbye to a beloved animal, when we were children. In order to adequately support our children now, when they are facing the loss of a pet, we need to heal our wounded hearts, and be mindful of our own “inner child” that may also grieve deeply when a family pet dies. In a too-busy world, so many of us have lost contact with that. Adult relationships with beloved companion animals tend to evoke our own more child-like qualities. And when we lose a pet we can be left feeling bereft, ourselves, longing for the very comfort that we now need to provide our children.

The loss of a pet can be a significant source of grief in a family. Indeed, it is the loss of a beloved member. That can lead to disorganization in family functioning, due to bereavement and changes in routines. New ones will have to be created, and it can be beneficial to discuss this. Children will need support to cope with the changes - as well as to understand the emotional impact on everyone, including their parents. It is important to show them it is good for families to react and grieve together.

When a child loses a beloved pet it is advisable to inform other significant people in your child’s life. This includes teachers, the school nurse, even the school social worker or school psychologist. We chose to involve everyone mentioned. They are in an excellent position to observe and understand any significant changes in our child. There may be an onset of daydreaming in class (noted by our son’s teacher), or at home. Homework may not get done (which has been occurring), and participation in class may drop noticeably. Appetite and sleep habits may change, or the child may become quiet, or even irritable. These are all signs that need to be addressed. Children can’t cope by themselves, and will need all the understanding and support available. Sometimes, if requested, a good teacher will schedule class time to talk about pets and their death. The loss of a beloved companion animal is often our children’s first real encounter with death, and that experience will remain and affect them for the rest of their lives. They need their adult role models to learn appropriate responses. We can help them by better coping with our own emotional problems associated with loss, death and dying. It is never too late to develop skills and approaches for yourself, that will also enhance your child’s growing ability to deal with this kind of traumatic loss.

Through my research on this subject I came across a suggestion to help with a child’s grief that never occurred to me: Memorialize your pet. According to an article called, Grief and Children, by Kimberly L. Keith, children need good distractions from fixation on the death of a pet. The following is a list of ways Ms. Keith provides, to creatively memorialize a pet.

• Encourage children to express their grief by drawing pictures of their pet, and sharing what the pictures mean to them. Always listen to what they have to say, and praise them for their thoughts. If a child would like the picture put in his/her room, then honor that wish. It could keep the pet closer to the child at bedtime until the grief has subsided.
• Make a scrapbook or log with photos as well as drawn pictures of the pet and family members. Write memories beneath or beside them. Humorous instances should be included on the pages - which can help develop associations with happiness each time the book is opened. Other small items such as a dogtag, or small toy, can be included, as well as sympathy cards, and letters. You can find some very nice packages on the market, for making scrapbooks.

• Planting a living memorial, such as a tree or bush in memory of a pet, can feel very satisfying. Making a small flower bed in a spot that was favored by the pet, can also be a fine memorial that brings some closure to the grief.
• Some people have a ritual of lighting candles on anniversaries, and reminiscing about their life with their pets. This offers them a special sense of comfort and respect. Let children participate in this.

We chose to get a memorial rock, to place in our rock garden which will have our dog’s name, date of death, and a paw print etched into it. Once it arrives, we will have a memorial service to honor our sweet dog. Each family member will have the opportunity to say what they loved about our dog and what she used to do that made us laugh. This will hopefully lead to some closure for our son.

There is a lovely, short story, written by Wallace Sife, Ph.D. from his article: All Pets Go to Heaven. To read the full story, click here.

As the last line states:

“Heaven is love, and and pets always share that with us.”

Going Biblical on Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving. I've always loved Thanksgiving. It’s my favorite holiday. There are no gifts to give. There is no religious affiliation. It always centered on family for me. A crackling fire in the fireplace. Lounging around in comfy clothes. Helping and testing the homemade delectables being prepared and cooked. I've had many wonderful memories of Thanksgiving.

Once I married, I started making the turkey for my extended family. No amount of preparation squelched my enthusiasm for making the most delicious turkey I could possibly present. I never let anyone down. I basked in the delicious aroma that permeated my house! Most important, I adore almost all traditional Thanksgiving food! Yes, even the cranberry sauce, even if it is canned!

Last year was the first year my husband and I began sharing holidays with my son independently. What is most important to me is that my son is with whichever household has other children he can play with. My lawyer goes nuts when I bring this up, but my son's happiness supersedes my "turn" to have my son on a holiday. I will probably always have my son for Christmas purely for the fact that my husband is Jewish. I am always invited to my BFF's home. She has a son who is my son's age and her sister has two slightly younger children of her own. My son has a fantastic time when he is there! Conversely, my in-laws usually have either my son's cousins over on Thanksgiving or friends who have children close to my son's age. Why would I want to deprive my son fun on a holiday purely because the judicial system says it has to be "fair and balanced." I don't give a hoot about "fair and balanced!" I care about what is in the best interest of my son.

Well, I have no meal plans this year for Thanksgiving. My son will be going to my in-law's, where other children will also be present. I will have my son until about 1pm. We'll watch the parade in our pajamas and do some quiet things together. Then I have something very unusual planned for myself. I will be going into NYC to see an exhibit of the "Dead Sea Scrolls." For those of you who are unfamiliar with this, these scrolls are a collection of 972 texts from the Hebrew Bible and extra-biblical documents found between 1947 and 1956 on the northwest shore of the Dead Sea, from which they derive their name. The texts are of great religious and historical significance, as they include the oldest known surviving copies of Biblical and extra-biblical documents. They are written in Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek. These manuscripts generally date between 150 BCE and 70 CE.

I have a passion and growing interest in theology, so, for me, this will be a special treat. I will be going in the late afternoon, once the throngs of parade watchers have moved on to gather at their feasts. I am looking forward to seeing something biblical, up close, yielding awe. The fact that these scrolls lasted a couple thousand years and are somewhat intact, is an amazement in itself.

For this Thanksgiving, I am shaking things up a bit. While I used to love Thanksgiving for it’s non-religious affiliations, I am now bringing a little bit of historic theology to this holiday. I am also doing something purely for myself. And, thankfully, I won’t be gorging on food and the extra calories my body doesn’t need.

I may make a small turkey breast for my Maxi dog and myself. I’ll add a baked sweet potato for color, but that’s about it. A nice, quiet Thanksgiving. Even if I’m making it biblical!

Wishing all of our readers a very festive,

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Products to Get You Through the Cold and Illness Season While Educating Your Children- by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

Maty’s 

Get Better. Be Better.

All Natural Products

Timing is everything. These products are no exception. My entire family came down with sinus infections over the past week. I received several products from the Maty’s line to try and blog a review. Maty’s Healthy Products is a line of all natural, homeopathic and gluten-free cough and cold remedies that are safe and effective to use on infants (three months) and adults. All I can say is, thank goodness! We were all suffering and Maty’s All Natural cough and cold products were a welcome relief.

The Products Include:

• All Natural Cough Syrup with antioxidant-rich Buckwheat Honey
• All Natural Baby Chest Rub – with immune-boosting soothing essential oils
• All Natural Kids Cough Syrup with banana-caramel taste
• Breath Better Nasal Ointment
• All Natural Vapor Rub

I first tried the All Natural Cough Syrup, made with antioxidant rich Buckwheat Honey along with nine immune support ingredients. We were sent an unflavored sample for adults and a caramel banana flavored sample for children. My son is not a big fan of anything sweet, so he tried the adult sample, in the children’s dose, while I tried the flavored syrup. Since he was not up to trying the flavored syrup, I sampled the unflavored one. Oddly, I liked the flavored syrup over the unflavored, while my son preferred the unflavored. Although the cough syrups are marketed for children and adults independently, because the products are all natural, adults can take the children’s products and children over one year of age can take the adult products. The only difference is the dosage.

My husband tried Maty’s Breathe Better Nasal Ointment. I asked him to sample this one because I know that he has used similar nasal ointment products by other companies in the past. I wanted a discerning consumer’s opinion. Because the ointment has lemon balm in it, my husband said that he liked inhaling the soothing smell. He said it also dispersed in the nasal cavity more smoothly than other products he has tried in the past. My husband said he would continue to use this nasal ointment over others he has tried. He is a big fan of all natural products. This one won him over!

Finally, we were given samples of Maty”s All Natural Chest Rub. I’m a big fan of vapor chest rubs because they bring back wonderful memories of my Mother rubbing my chest and lower neck with the camphor scented ointment. What I loved about Maty’s Vapor Rub is that it has eucalyptus, wintergreen and peppermint! A much more delicate scent combination than the camphor I remember. I didn’t feel overwhelmed by the scent. There was even a Maty’s Mom Tip: “For a unique and effective method of application, rub on bottom of feet.” How pampering with a pair of warm socks on!

My son does not like ointments on him, so I tried the Baby Chest Rub. I compared it with a container of another brand name baby chest rub I had been using up since my son wouldn’t use it. Again, the scent was so much less overpowering. It was a beautiful combination of eucalyptus, lavender and chamomile. A wonderful combination for a congested baby.

Maty’s All Natural products are now a welcome addition to our house. If you prefer using all natural remedies when your family members are sick, give Maty's products a try. Since I began writing this review, my cough has quieted already! Check out these products at: www.matyshealthyproducts.com. The full line is launching early winter and products will be available at local grocery stores and pharmacies (Stop & Shop, Rite Aid, Duane Reade, etc.)

Imagine It! 

DVD

Since my son was home from school and we were still sick, we decided to watch an extremely intriguing documentary, Imagine It! My son is a very science focused person, so I thought that this DVD would be of interest to him. I was absolutely correct!

IMAGINE IT poses the question: What if you imagined a better world, then engaged in making it happen? The film encourages children to pursue an education in the field of math and science to create the changes they would like to see in a world that they would want to live in. Educators profess with confidence that the best way to predict the future is to invent it and considering that half of the world’s population is under the age of 25 (that’s 3 billion people) there is considerable potential for a new future of creators. As one of the greatest creative minds, Walt Disney, said “All of our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.”

Imagine It! is designed to provide a forum for discussion around the power of big ideas in action and to inspire people to imagine a better world by connecting imagination and creativity with science and engineering in education.

With this DVD, you get to hear from innovators, scientists and authors, such as Ray Kurtzweil and Sally Ride, who are joining a movement to get creative thinking and the arts back into schools. Imagine It! will help the public to have a better understanding of the importance of science, engineering and technology and hopes to inspire the next generation of innovators.

The 52-minute film reports on the promise of a new youth culture engaging their curiosity to change the world, empowered by science, technology, education and desire. It is about connecting imagination and creativity with science and engineering in education. 

 IMAGINE IT! features the following experts and thought-leaders:

• Ray Kurzweil – Futurist and Author, The Singularity is Near
• Sally Ride – Physicist, NASA astronaut, first American woman in space

• Chris Wink, Phil Stanton, Matt Goldman – Co-Founders, The Blue Man Group

• Charles Vest – Former President of MIT, current President of the National Academy of Engineering
• Sir Ken Robinson – Author, All Our Futures: Creativity, Culture and Education

DVD EXTRA:

• The Post-It® Challenge – An experiment for students all over the world to add value to a pack of Post-It® Notes...in just 6 days! My son was scavaging the house for post-its so that he could participate in the challenge! A true creator, my son.

Iliza Shlesinger, winner of NBC’s Last Comic Standing, stars as the host of this documentary. Director Rudy Poe co-founded the Imagine It! Project with Richard Tavener. The non-profit company’s mission is to promote the power of imagination and the importance of living a creative life. His mantra is Experience for today. Vision for tomorrow.

Imagine It! is available for $19.95 as a DVD or Digital Download. 

http://www.imagineitproject.com/

Note: Thanks to the above companies for providing sample products.  Cara Potapshyn Meyers and MotherhoodLater.com assume no liability relative to products reviewed in this blog.

Addendum to last week’s blog, Wicked October: Our Sweet Lama LuLu dog passed into Doggie Heaven on Friday, November 4, 2011. She will be missed dearly.

Through Tears Comes Wisdom

She must have cried herself to sleep every night for seventeen months. That's at least how long it would have taken me to put my words onto paper without falling apart.

I am referring to an article I was offered to read. This article was written by a mother whose son has Tay-Sachs disease. A child with this horrendous disease rarely lives to see their third birthday. This woman's son is now 18 months old. Here is the direct link for those who choose to read it: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/16/opinion/sunday/notes-from-a-dragon-mom.html?src=tp&smid=fb-share. Be warned...have a tissue box in hand. For those who choose not to read the article, I will summarize for you.

Emily Rapp, is a professor of creative writing at the Santa Fe University of Art and Design. She tells how she had genetic testing for Tay-Sachs, not once, but twice. Both times the results were negative. None of the prenatal testing came back positive. Emily and her husband were excited, looking forward to a happy, healthy baby. They read all the prenatal books to ensure that they would make the best choices for their baby. I can certainly relate. Both my husband and I had $3,000 worth of every genetic test available. We came out with 100% perfect results. Like Rapp, we did the same thing. We read the best books, were staunch advocates for breast feeding, I even put ear phones on my belly for an hour each day, playing classical music while I napped (my son was calmest when Vivaldi or Bach was played). My son was such a sleepy, quiet baby, that at one of my prenatal check-ups, it took almost three hours! The technician needed to take important measurements and my son just would not move. She even called in the doctor, who straddled me and massaged my abdomen to get my son to move. Again, no luck. I ended up having to come back the next day. Thank goodness my son was much more cooperative then.

I look back on my pregnancy, as Rapp must have, with spinning mobiles and fancy bedding dancing in my head. I fantasized about holding my baby in a sling as I did errands, completely non-sleep deprived (I did say it was a fantasy). I was eagerly looking forward to a perfect baby in every way, as I'm sure Rapp was.

I'm not sure when Rapp was given the diagnosis of her son's condition. I do know that the nightmare I had with my son began during labor and only started to wind down about two years ago, once all of my son's disorders were finally identified. My son was six then. Six completely draining years. Six years of ineffective bonding. I regret those six years. But I have developed such an incredibly strong, impenetrable bond with my 8 year-old son, it is as if those first six years never happened. My son doesn't remember. Unfortunately I always will. 

 As I was up with my baby son multiple times per night, with his colic and reflux, for just about three years, I can imagine Rapp welcoming watching her son sleep at night, sighing in his sleep and reaching out to pick him up if he needed comforting. What I viewed as torture, to Rapp would have been, and probably is, the loveliest time of her day. As my son easily had a good twenty-five meltdowns a day, starting at eleven months old, Rapp would probably have embraced laughingly that her son still had so much vigor and fight left in him. When my 18-month old flung his plate of spaghetti and sauce across the kitchen, splattering every wall, floor, and 2 dogs, and I wanted to slide down into a heap and cry. Rapp is probably flinging spaghetti herself, just to hear more laughter come from her son.

Looking back, I wish that I was aware of each of my son's disorders when he was a baby. I blamed myself for my son's uncontrollable nature and didn't realize I had prolonged postpartum depression. I would have forgiven him as well as myself for our lack of bonding those first young years. Rapp is giving her son a gift. A gift he will never be aware of, but she will. And the grief and pain will probably never fully dissipate. But the knowledge that she spent every waking moment (and unslept moment) being fully with her child, must fill her with even a small amount of gratitude. She gave of herself completely. Without self-pity or repressed anger. That is what makes her story so special. She asks the question: How do you parent a child who has no future? You don't. You throw the "rules" out the window and make each day more special than the day before.

She must have cried a bucket full of tears. I know I have. But I still have my precious son with me. She does too. But only for a little while longer.

What a Difference a Day Makes

Or, more accurately, what a difference a medication can make over the course of one day!

As I ranted last week about my son continually taking off his medication patch for his ADHD, my HUSBAND (yes, the same one who would NEVER, EVER put his son on ADHD medication!) actually put a call into my son’s ADHD doctor to see if we could switch from using the patch medication to a long-acting oral pill. We were given the same medication that was in the patch, but given by mouth once a day instead.

What a difference a day DOES make!

The first day that my son took the pill, he behaved exactly like our son only toned down a few notches. Even better, I discovered that my son has exhibited less overall anxiety and has been far more in touch with his feelings. Instead of blowing up when his anger became too much to handle, he has been much better able to communicate what he wants or needs in the present moment. I have found that ability in him to be remarkable. And it is all due to a tiny, time-release medication. I thank the Heavens that this med is working for my son and working well. I don’t think my husband would tolerate trials of different medications to see which worked best. I have finally discovered my true Angel, only a little more new and improved!! And I absolutely love it!

My son’s ADHD is genetic on his paternal side. His father has it. His Uncles have it. Even his Grandfather has it. Only one of my son’s Uncles is willing to admit he has ADHD. The rest of the family is in denial. My blog today focuses on parents and how they deal with their children’s diagnoses. ADHD is often genetic. As I mentioned above, my staunchly adamant ADHD husband, who was against giving my son ANY form of ADHD medication, now is convinced that we have a “new and improved” child!

The research is quite intriguing. From what I have both researched and personally experienced, parents come in two distinct categories when it comes to their ADHD children. There are parents I have met who accept that their child has ADHD even if the other parent refuses to accept the diagnosis (such as in my case). The accepting parents try very hard to play an active role and be the very best role model they can be when they are with their child. They try their best to educate themselves and learn to work with their ADHD child rather than against him or her.

On the other hand, there are parents who resemble my husband. These parents refuse to acknowledge that their children have any disorders at all. They are harsh with their children, overly strict, and domineering. A combustible combination if there ever was one. Because ADHD children are commonly very intelligent, they recognize that they are not being treated fairly and power struggles ensue. Relationships with these types of parents either never “jell” or they fail miserably because of the parent’s refusal to look beyond themselves and see who their child really is.

I discovered some interesting facts through my research of how parents relate with and affect their children. There are parents who take classes, look for books or articles to read or join support groups to learn as much as they can about their ADHD child. Also, the parents who are accepting of their child’s ADHD should try to educate themselves not only about the disorder, but also about the different types of ADHD and how it affects their child.

According to an article from the Northern County Psychiatric Associates, ADHD has three basic features:

•  Inattention (distractibility, daydreaming or “spacing out”)

•  Physical hyperactivity (fidgetiness, running about, or “flitting” from one task to another)

•  Impulsivity (acting without thinking and many times later regretting it)

The article states, “Children with combined ADHD involve inattention along with hyperactivity and/or impulsivity. This is a classic ‘boy type’ ADHD. These children can be creative and charming, but may require more of the parent’s time and energy.” My son falls into this category. And as an older Mom, I could have told them that these children definitely require much more time and energy!

I am not the only one in a situation where parents are divided on this issue. As the aforementioned article points out, “Some parents may base their opinions on inaccurate or skewed material. In previous generations, there was more stigma associated with mental illness and behavior disorders. If a parent perceived ADHD as shameful, they didn’t want to think that it could appear in their family.

Very unfortunately, there are parents who constantly yell at their ADHD children. Some parents spank their ADHD children. The article goes on to say, “Parents should take special care to avoid such punishment in ADHD children because it can lead the children to become impulsive. These children might get the message that the use of hitting or violence is a way to resolve conflicts. Gentler methods, even if they take longer, provide the child with a model of how to resolve disagreements.”

Parents must strive to use gentler methods and be a positive role model to their children. This was why it was so challenging to discipline my son last week when he was going through his “rebound effect.” His nerve endings were going through withdrawal. It would not have been fair to my son to punish him when he has absolutely no control over his nerve endings! The best I could do was to try to keep him safe until the medication left his system.

Above all, treating the child with respect elicits lasting respect between parents and their children. This is the foundation in every action you have with your child. Especially an ADD/ADHD child. Respect goes a huge way towards fostering a loving, caring relationship with any child and his or her parents.

“Parents can fill an important psychological role in their children’s development,” the article states. “Children tend to perceive the parent’s acceptance as more unconditional. In many cases, the parent can be a source of advice and comfort. Even during adolescence, a child may try to pull away from their parents but because there is still respect, the teen usually will choose to maintain a closeness to their parents.” This is why it is so imperative that parents be encouraged to learn all they can about ADHD and how it affects their children. The more empowered parents feel, the more proactive they can be.

A little bit of knowledge, at any age, can go a long way towards helping children with ADHD feel loved, accepted and successful. And respect can go a very long way to fulfilling lasting, unconditional relationships between both parents and their children. And one day, should your child require ADHD medication, you might see a miracle buried inside of your wonderful child. Then you will agree and be saying, “Wow! What a difference a day (or a medication) makes!”

Stress Overload

 Stress: a situation, occurrence, or factor causing physical, mental, or

 emotional strain or tension.

- Oxford Dictionary

Ahh stress. I am under so much stress right now, I'm surprised I can write this blog. I am under so much stress, the thought of eating makes me sick. I am under so much stress, that my run down body came down with a cold, my irritable bowels started acting up, I got my period two weeks early, and my face broke out in a huge way. All in less than 24 hours. I would guess that by virtue off all of this happening in such a short period of time, I would suffice to say, I am experiencing stress overload.

I probably should begin with last weekend. My son started on an ADHD medication patch. For the first three days, it worked beautifully on my son. Even his teacher noticed the improvement. Then, all of a sudden, the patch started disappearing. I asked my son if he had taken the patch off, prefacing my question by letting him know that I would not be upset with him at all. I truly just needed to have an estimated time to record. He said he had no idea.

On the same day, I received a court subpoena to appear as a defendant in a court case. I needed this like I needed a whole in my head.

In any event, the next day, the medication patch turned up "missing" again. Concomitantly (and this will have a direct correlation, as you will see), both my son and I had been getting mosquito bites on our legs and arms. I was layering our bodies with calamine lotion. It also happened to be warm last week so shorts and tee-shirts were the attire. My bites were healing with calamine lotion. My son's looked like they were getting more infected. The fact that he was scratching them relentlessly certainly didn't help. I was covering his multitude of bites with antibiotic ointment and bandages. The bites did not seem to be improving, and he had been accumulating more. Now we must jump back to the medication patch.

I could tell when my son took off his patch too early because he displayed a "rebound effect." All of a sudden he was all over the place, uncontrollable, rude, disrespectful, obnoxious...not even nearly what he was like before he started the patch. I called his doctor. Since I get up at 4:30am every day to take one of my own medicines, the doctor and I thought that if I put the patch on my son where he wouldn't know where I placed it, such as between his shoulder blades, we might be able to have my son not even think about the patch, thus not taking it off. This worked for two days until my son caught on to where I put it when I had to take it off. Then he was back to removing them as soon as possible. Now, back to the mosquito bites. (There IS a reason for this bouncing back and forth between topics...).

Thursday night I noticed bug bites on my son's neck, shoulders and right ear. His ear itched him the most. I was able to put calamine lotion on my son's neck and shoulders but didn't feel comfortable putting it on or in his ear. All night long, my son scratched his ear until it was bleeding. In the morning, I cleaned his ear. It looked better and my son said it felt better, so I sent him to school.

Late in the school day, the school nurse called me to explain that my son was again scratching his ear until bleeding, but she also detected a clear fluid coming from somewhere within the ear. She advised that I see my son's doctor as soon as possible. I immediately called my son's doctor but the earliest they could give my son an appointment would be first thing the next morning unless I felt that my son needed to go to the emergency room. I honestly didn't feel that my son needed to go to the emergency room, so I kept gently cleaning my son's ear, despite the fact that my son was still scratching at it. Later that night I noticed a sticky, clear discharge coming from his ear. I was certain it was impetigo. And yes, my son had taken his patch off again at some point during the day.

By the next morning, my son's ear looked ten times worse than the night before. Even his bug bites looked more red and swollen. Marks even showed up on his face. I dutifully put my son's medication patch on and we went to see the doctor. While we were in the waiting room, my son was pacing, stopping every few feet to scratch a bug bite or his ear and eventually the site where I put his patch. I asked if the patch bothered him. He angrily said, "Yes! That's the whole problem! Every day you make me wear that thing, my itching gets worse! I want it to come off!!" I told him that we would have to speak with his doctor before we could do that, knowing full well that the patch was completely unrelated to his bodily itching.

When we first saw the doctor in the examination room, the doctor took one look at my son and said, "I want to admit him into the hospital for IV antibiotics." My son was angrily stating to the doctor that the medication patch was the problem. He explained, logically in his 8 year - old mind, that if the itchy patch were taken off, he would get better. To my son's dismay, the doctor reassured my son that the patch had absolutely nothing to do with the itching on the rest of his body. Very cryptically, the doctor and I discussed the issue of the hospital admission or not. I have a medical background, so we spoke using medical lingo and higher level vocabulary. I essentially said to the doctor that if my son were admitted into the hospital, he would need to be either sedated, restrained, or both because my son would be pulling out his IVs left and right. My son is also deathly afraid of needles, so he would end up being an extremely difficult patient to manage. Based on this, the doctor came up with a more reasonable solution: Give my son oral antibiotics equivalent to what he would get through IV, quarantine him for the entire weekend, wash his sheets with boiling hot water after 2 days on the antibiotics and ear drops, and sanitize my hands after touching my son. He was diagnosed with systemic impetigo, however the doctor was very concerned that this could rapidly turn into MRSA, the "flesh eating" disease.

Okay, now that there was a plan, there were more obstacles. My son gags and vomits when you try to give him pills and he abhors the taste of children's liquid medicines. My son was adamantly refusing to take either the antibiotic pills or liquid. The doctor and I had to lay his options on the line: Either take the meds at home, or go to the hospital and have the med be given through a needle. Decision was made: Home with liquid medicine.

Since my son was extremely contagious and my husband was out of town on business, I waited for a parking spot close to the pharmacy door and had my son stay in the car while I brought the prescriptions into the pharmacy. I dropped them off and went to go check on my son in the car. Outside of the pharmacy, but within site of my car, I called my husband to tell him what was happening. He was going to arrange a change in his flight back home, but called me back and said that one of the men he was meeting with had his own private jet, so the private jet would fly my husband home immediately (Rough life my husband has. Wait until I get to HIS part of this never ending story). 

I finally get the medicines for my son, go home, but my son won't take the med. I even tasted it and it tasted vile. Since it had a hint of orange flavor, I tried adding a bit of milk hoping it would taste like a creamsicle. No such luck. And this kid had to take this medicine three times a day. I reiterated that the only other option was the hospital. I barely got a half dose of med in him. And he took his medication patch off again. So now I have a VERY sick kid, literally (and I do mean literally) scaling the doorway to the top to touch the ceiling because he is going through a rebound effect, and is practically uncontrollable. (Are you exhausted yet by just reading this? I promise to summarize and spare you any further exhaustion).

My husband came home and got a pill form of the oral med to try to get my son to take. He tolerated it, although my son continued to fly off of my bed, onto his beanbag, scale the doorway, was insolent and uncooperative. I had to just keep that in mind that all of this behavior was because of the rebound effect. I couldn’t strictly punish my son because his brain chemicals were imbalanced. A call went in to my son's ADHD doctor. Here is the icing on the cake...

I was terribly behind in checking my e-mail. I tried to go through some of it and what did I find? A forwarded letter from my lawyer that stating that my husband is counter-suing me for divorce with full custody of my son with...get this one...visitation only outside of my home!!!

NOW can you say stress overload??

At the very end of the day, one of my son’s toys broke and he had a complete and total breakdown. His hysterical crying was not simply due to the broken toy. For an hour, I huddled behind him on the carpet as he was clutching my arm tightly around him. He sobbed, ranted and raved about things that occurred to him TWO YEARS ago! This poor child had been bottling up two years worth of frustration and anger that I never knew of. He was experiencing his own stress overload and it needed to be released.

As close as I am to my son and as comfortable as he is coming to me with things that bother him, I am going to take extra time to try to dig a little deeper and find out if there are issues that are worrying him, that he might have temporarily forgotten about. I want him to know that I care about everything that goes on in his life. Even the fact that he got a locker last year that never fully shut and it frustrated him. As parents, we forget that children are at risk of stress overload too. We need to be there for and be mindful that our children experience stress also. Stress is not limited to adults with mature minds and full plates. Little minds experience stress in different ways and often cannot express it. It is up to us, as parents, to keep a tab on issues that are affecting our children and help them sort out their problems or just lend an ear.

Communication is going to be a lot different from now on with my son. I am going to be much more mindful and reach out to him more frequently. No one should have to lie on the floor spewing frustration from two years past. Especially not a child.

On This Day You Were Born...

You were born exactly 8 years ago today at 8:15 pm. You came into this world wailing a hearty cry. I could not see nor speak. Still, I knew at that moment that you had a very strong, tenacious trait. After being “stuck,” back facing, in the birth canal, with 4 hours of pushing, you still had an Apgar score of 9.5. I knew it then and I know it now. You are a survivor.

Your determined and persistent manner was still evident through your colic and your tantrums. To me, it was a “sign”: An unmet need; A desire unfulfilled; An intellect that just didn’t understand why you couldn’t have what you wanted or do what you desired.

I “heard” you time and time again, “But don’t you understand?? I can do it!” Sometimes I let you, “follow your intuition.” To my knowledge, you never overestimated yourself. This gave me the assurance to let you spread your wings even more. Others scolded me for listening to my intuition about you. But we were as one. We always have been. We always will be.

There was, and remains, a certain “precociousness” about you. Yet at age four I innately  picked up on your first disorder. At age 5, I picked up on a second. Again, at age 6, a third. And recently a fourth was discovered. You are a fighter. I have every confidence that you will overcome each and every one of these disorders either with special guidance or through my own steadfast advocacy. For some of them you will find your own way to compensate or overcome. I have no doubt that you will succeed in what ever way possible. I know you. You will make it happen!

My precious son, you have the most diverse character of anyone I’ve ever known. I could list 1,000 attributes. The ones that truly shine are your kindness, compassion, and respect for others. Your assertiveness in dealing with others who are inconsiderate is unprecedented. I have never seen you become aggressive towards anyone. Not even at age 2 when another 2 year-old would come over and take the toy you were playing with out of your hands. You are also the MOST social person I know! I never worry about you making friends or finding a playmate. Others are drawn to you just as you are drawn to them. This quality in you is remarkable. It makes me envious. Your nature fascinates me. I study you to see if I can learn some of your “social graces.” I’ve discovered that it is uniquely a part of you. It brings me pride and joy to see you so comfortable with your peers and with yourself.

Over this past year, I have had snippets of conversation with you that have blown me away or left my mouth agape. Your question to me as to who’s picture is on a $100 bill. I didn’t know. You told me. I had to google it to see if you were right. You were. Our discussion about the four chambers of the heart astounded me. When you asked me about the polarization of magnets, I almost fell over. Yet still, with your literary disorders, you can barely read the word “heart” let alone spell it. This breaks my own heart. But any child with your pertinaciousness will not only learn to read and write “heart” some day, you just might be an expert on one in the future. For this, I have no doubt.

Your physical talents are equally strong as your mind. You have a natural predisposition for so many physical activities. Yet, it is impossible to nurture them all. Right now you have chosen karate and swimming to excel at. I personally think you would be a phenomenal gymnast. There will be other options as you grow older. I could bet money you will spend your summers as a lifeguard! No matter how much sunscreen SPF 70 we slather on you, your skin tans to bronze. And I pay good money to get highlights in my hair that you get naturally from the sun each summer! You are my son, and you are gorgeous! The beauty that shines from your inside is also just as strong as the sun!

Eight years have passed by so quickly. However our future holds some rocky turf ahead. It will initially will be rough, as you also carry quite a bit of sensitivity in you. Once we shed our tears and hold each other tight, you will march on and hold your head up high. My shoulder will always be there should you need to rest it and rejuvenate yourself. Then off you will go, like a bird that has found it’s wings.

Fly, my sweet child, fly! I will always be at the nest should you need to rest those astouding wings!

This blog is dedicated to my absolutely sensational son, Brandon! Happy 8th Birthday, Sweetheart! May you continue to embrace life with both hands and feel each moment fully! You are my pride, my love, my world, my own special gift! I will never be able to express how deep the love I have for you is. May that love continue to grow exponentially, forever!