Things My Child Has Taught Me

As parents, we are constantly teaching our children. It may be overt teaching, role modeling, or simple day-to-day interactions. Conversely, our children are always learning, whether it be through formal education, social interaction, or simple observation of the world around them. There is always something we can always learn.

This past weekend was filled with situations that were fuel for reflection. I would like to share what I learned and even get some feedback from our readers as to what they have learned through being a parent.

1.  Family is the most important aspect of a child’s life.

2.  If a person has even one individual in their life that they trust and feel completely secure with, then they have what they need to feel fulfilled as a human being.

3.  Yes, a dog, or other pet, can, at times, be a sibling.

4.  All work, and no play, can stifle our imagination, our creativity, and lead us to burn out.

5.  Exercise that doesn’t feel like exercise is the best type of exercise of all!

6.  Even 48 year-old, out-of-shape, Moms can learn to play handball!

7.  The best bonding is usually found either through car rides, or sitting together with Legos or a puzzle.

8.  It’s okay if you want to wear your underpants backwards. Who’s going to check?

9.  It’s good to be persistent. It may make a Mother’s hair turn prematurely gray and she may need to hide in the bathroom and count to 1,000, but if your child is motivated to achieve something, or get something done, perseverance and persistence will get them there! Don’t squelch it!

10. Go outside. There is a wonder that nature provides during every season.

11. Introduce yourself to new people. My son does this all the time. I can’t tell you how much fun he has had by walking up to other children around his age and saying, “Hi! I’m Brandon! Want to play?” To my knowledge, his tactic hasn’t failed yet!

12. Leaving the house with two socks on and entering the house with only one can be liberating.

13. When you are down in the dumps and nothing seems to pick up your spirits, go see a movie about hip-hop, singing and dancing birds!

14. Sleep when your child sleeps! Even if that is at 8:30pm! You might find that waking up completely refreshed, rather than putting that last load of laundry away or emptying the dishwasher was so worth it!

15. Children get dirty, especially boys. That’s why boy’s clothing comes in ugly, drab, dark colors. And also why there are 15 different types of stain removers in stores.

16. Show your affection. If you are home, there is no need to ask permission. If you are out in public, ask out of courtesy. And hug like you never want them to leave!

What is “Better?”

“BETTER” - of superior suitability, advisability, desirability, acceptableness, preferable”

I must admit that I was humbled by the number of concerned and genuine written and verbal comments my blog elicited last week. However, as true as all of the comments were, the essence that I took away from all of them was that my life would eventually “get better.” So I began to ponder both my life and the term, “better.” I came up with a list of questions that will sound bitter, and angry, and sarcastic because...well...I AM feeling bitter, angry and sarcastic. So, for those of you who truly had my best intentions in mind, and I sincerely appreciated all of them, please see past the bitter feelings and reflect on these questions:

Is “better” having my son ripped from his family unit and having to share time between two parents?

Is “better” being a single Mom to a child with multiple learning disabilities, and having to be the primary caretaker?

Is “better” having a child learn to deal with two different parenting styles, one of which is completely against his nature?

Is “better” having to pay a divorce lawyer almost $2000 of what was going to be my son’s college money just to fill out stupid, inane, paperwork when my child could have perhaps put that money into 2 college classes later in life?

Is “better” having one of your two pets, both of which your child adores, practically taken away because that pet favors the other parent?

Is “better” having to deal with stress related illnesses just about every single day, watching your own body become feeble and frail in the process?

Is “better” having a child have to share holidays, vacations and birthdays between each parent?

Is “better” attending a special event of your child’s, standing on the opposite side of the room from your former spouse, having as little communication as feasibly possible with that spouse, cheering on your child, hugging and kissing him for doing so well, and then having both parents leave in separate cars?

Is “better” not only not knowing what to say to friends when they inquire about the impending divorce? And is “better” having a child wonder what the heck is going on in their family but barely able to comprehend, let alone ask appropriate questions about what the heck is going on, because you don’t even know yourself? 

Is “better” having to linger in this “lifestyle” until your child goes off to college, which will roughly be 10 years from now?

After contemplating the smattering of questions I exemplified, can anyone honestly tell me that my life will get “better?” I seriously doubt so. Although I am open to being receptive to comments to the contrary.

I made a conscious decision to have a child and build a family. I looked forward to having a loving spouse, who would be there for this family during good times and in bad. I may never know just what went awry. But what I am experiencing and will be experiencing is far from “better.” And it’s a damn shame, especially for my child. Because out of us all, he’s the one who deserves “better.”

100% REAL Boy!

My six year old is such a boy. A REAL boy! A play in the mud, climb a tree, dig a trench boy! Which is not to say that nice, quiet, sit and read boys AREN’T real boys. They are most certainly “real” boys too! But my boy is a BOY! A get down and dirty (thank you, Oxyclean Laundry spray!) boy! So it is of no surprise that my son came home yesterday with (and my “boy” husband bought for him) new pets: Hermit Crabs!!!

I realized my son was a “real” boy around age two. Up until then, I had bought my son “gender neutral” toys such as building blocks, shape sorters, farms and farm animals, a variety of animal theme books. But one day, we went to a playdate at a friend’s house. This friend of mine has two boys, one my son’s age and the other a couple year’s older. And scattered all around my friend’s playroom were trucks! And cars! And trains! All toys my son had never seen, let alone played with before!! At that moment, I knew that there most definitely is a gene in boys for preferred play with trucks, cars and trains! My son made a bee-line right to the biggest truck he saw and started pushing it all around, making vrooming sounds as he went! How did he know to do this? Where did he learn to play with the trucks and cars this way?! The only explanation I could rationally come up with was that it was in his genes!

My son was then obsessed with trucks, cars and trains! Every truck he saw while we drove, he would call out, “twuck!!” as if he had never seen one before! So the nice, “gender neutral” toys slowly were replaced with trucks and cars of every size. And along with that, another obsession emerged: Trains. Particularly “Thomas the Train”, trains! At one point we probably had close to 30 Thomas trains, and wooden tracks, bridges, tunnels, and every sort of accessory one could imagine for these trains! We even had just about every Thomas DVD ever produced! And every day, after I picked my son up from daycare and fed him, we had to put in a Thomas DVD and build a track system so that as many trains as we had at the time could all caravan behind Thomas! But alas, this extremely expensive train obsession came to an end by the time my son turned four. I refuse to throw away hundreds of dollars worth of wooden trains and tracks, so they are packed up and ready for a special friend, when her baby’s train gene emerges and he wants to play with trains!

Then, around the time my son turned five, we were digging in our garden to plant a flower, when my son spotted an earthworm! A big, fat, pink earthworm! No more than 5 minutes had gone by when, like the whirlwind my son is, he ran inside the house, got a plastic container, put dirt in the container, and in went the earthworm...named, “Wormy.” I knew right then I was doomed. My REAL boy was blossoming into now 100% REAL boy! And what does a mother of a REAL boy to do than to “adopt” a garden worm? Thankfully we were going on vacation ten days later and my son’s pre-K teacher agreed to “watch” Wormy while we were away. Even better, my son forgot about Wormy after we returned, so his teacher let it go free in the dirt outside without my son even aware.

From there my son spent months begging for a “pet” snake. I negotiated and bought him an earthworm hatchery kit. I tried to convince him that they were “small snakes.” But eventually we had to let them go free in the garden. Then we bought caterpillars and watched them hatch into butterflies! We kept them and fed them fresh fruit, but you could tell that they wanted to fly free, so we watched them go! Next my son became obsessed with lizards and geckos and wanted one of them as a pet! Both my husband (thankfully) and I vetoed both of those creatures.

Well, now we have new pets:“Hot Rod” and “Speedy” (neither of them moves much, but okay, they can think they are racers!). And although I adamantly put my foot down that I would NOT care for these creeping, crawling things, I know that their care will ultimately fall to my domain of care. Oh, and did I mention that we already have two dogs and two fish? And guess who takes care of those?? Hmm??