Keeping Up With the...Benjamins?

 The following is a direct quote from a posting on Facebook last week, written by a Mom friend of mine:

“I was just told by my kid that I’m the worst Mom ever for not buying him a new (Nintendo) DS. While that was hurtful, I told him that there is special training for that at Mom School and that I won the Best ‘Worst Mom in Training’ award! The nerve!”

This posting elicited more than fifteen responses from other supportive Moms, including me:

“My son said that there were only 4 kids in school who didn’t have (Nintendo) DS games and he was one of them. I responded by asking him, “Do they have their own laptops like you do (my hand-me-down), and not have to share them with a brother or sister? And do they have their own iPhone to play a thousand different games on (also my hand-me-down...no cell service though)? He said, Um, no.” So I told him that he was pretty lucky and privileged even without a (Nintendo) DS. That left him speechless.”

I bring this up because my husband and I have been going through this “DS Drama” for a few weeks now. And although the Mom I quoted received quite a few accolades for the creative comeback she quickly thought of, it still is not getting to the root of the problem, nor is it teaching her child where the line has been crossed. This same Mom posted after mine that although she liked my post, her kids were, “So teched out, it wasn’t even funny.” So where is that line?

I wrote a few weeks back about wanting to “fit in” with my peers at age fourteen by having Levi jeans with the leather tag on the back. But that was probably a $20 pair of jeans. Yes, expensive for jeans 30 years ago but not in comparison to a $130+ Nintendo DS, where each game costs between $15-30! There is even a service similar to Netflix called “GameFly” where you can rent games for an unlimited amount of time, but with a monthly fee attached.

My husband and I have been intensely debating this “DS” issue and how to make it purposeful. During this time, with my assistance, but with my son’s own money, he bought an accessory kit for a DS he doesn’t even own yet. I suggested he could temporarily use it to carry his iPhone in, (which he constantly misplaces. More on that in a minute), and his response was, “No, Mommy. This case is ONLY for my DS.” The one he doesn’t have yet. He also has a DS game, this time with my husband’s assistance, but with my son’s money to purchase it. (This kid has been offering and doing quite a lot of extra chores around and outside of the house).

Right now many of you are thinking, “But both you and your husband are in the position of Enablers! You are giving this child what he wants, but in a circumferous way!” Yes, and no. We made a deal with our son that he has to save up his own money to pay for half of whichever DS he wants. At a starting price of $130, that’s a lot of saving. And the cruel part of this is that Nintendo has just released a 3D DS game, which costs close to $300. And guess which kid is going to be one of only four kids in the whole school who does not have a 3D DS game, six months from now? You guessed correctly.

Now, here’s what I don’t quite understand. My son uses my old iPhone, which he plays pre-approved games on. There are probably close to 100 games on this little gadget, so you don’t have to carry (and risk losing) any of the games. Most of the games were either free or close to $.99. Many of them are quite similar to DS games. And the best part? My son’s phone is wirelessly connected to a service I have for my own iPhone, where if it gets lost, I can lock it down so that it cannot be used and even post my husband’s work number on the screen with a message saying, “If found, please call xxx....” Try doing that with a DS!

There is also another concern I have. Children with Auditory Processing Disorder and ADD, like my son, are notorious for losing and misplacing things. I can’t tell you how many mad dashes there have been, on most mornings, looking for my husband’s keys (he also has ADD). I even put up a key holder for him to put his keys on when he walked in the door. He never used it. We use it for dog leashes now. My point is, why give a kid, who is prone to misplacing/losing things, an expensive item, which has styluses which can easily get lost, game cartridges which could easily be lost, heck, the whole DS could easily be lost! But as a Mother who has continually allowed her son to take chances and face the consequences when necessary, I am allowing my son to have his DS. If he has to work to obtain it, he might covet it enough to limit losing all of the little accessories. And he will have to pay for whichever accessories he does lose. And if he loses the actual Nintendo DS, I will comfort his loss, but will not replace it.

It is going to be a few months before my son saves up enough money to buy whichever DS he chooses. In the meantime, we will be working on responsibility. Coming home with a forgotten lunch tote or rain jacket is not conducive to being a responsible person. However, my son didn’t purchase those items himself. We have an interesting test coming up in our lives.

Stay tuned...I am certain there will be more to come!

Unearthing My Inner Athlete

Growing up, I didn’t exactly consider myself anything close to being an “athlete”. However, when I entered high school, my best friend coerced me into trying out for the Swim Team. We both wanted to lose some weight and she said that you burn a lot of calories by swimming (which you do). I admit that although I made the team, I was probably the worst swimmer on the team. Not because of my ability (I could do all of the swim strokes, even the Butterfly), but as opposed to my best friend who is genetically muscular, my body likes to insulate itself with fat. My muscles are buried deep down under those layers of fat. However, I did loose some weight and the experience opened up other opportunities for my “inner athlete” to surface.

When I was in college, Aerobic Classes were all the rage. I loved them! I loved them to the point that I ended up teaching the classes at my college, and later at a health club. Those were the days before you needed to be certified to teach Aerobics Classes. By the time certification was required, I was entering a very challenging Masters program. I studied night and day, every single day. Exercise didn’t exist in my life for those two years. 

Once I graduated, I got a job and exercise again became a big part of my life. Only this time I could afford working out at health clubs. I was a regular several days a week. I even met my husband at the gym.

Then an unfortunate calamity occurred. Three months after I married, I was in a car accident that  injured my shoulder and gave me chronic pain for over four years. I had 2 years of physical therapy (back in the days when you could get more than 10 visits covered by insurance). I also tried every therapeutic modality there was - both traditional western as well as eastern medicine. By some miracle, acupuncture did the trick! I was never cured (and never will be, I still get pain now and then), but the acupuncture allowed me to at least be a part of life. I went to acupuncture for 2 years and slowly weaned off. Since I couldn’t use my upper body extensively (I had a complicated shoulder injury), I could only do types of exercise that were predominantly lower body. I found walking.

Walking became my new obsession. I even had several pedometers to use for different walks. I walked year round. And when my husband and I got dogs, we walked them to get some of their “puppy energy” out. I even did a few of the Susan B. Komen walk-a-thons. And my best friend introduced me to trail walking (I considered it hiking). We would meet once a week for our 5 mile “trail walk.” Then I became pregnant.

When I went to my first OB visit, they found out that I had high blood pressure and was immediately sent to a High Risk group of Obstetricians. My high blood pressure somehow resolved, but the high risk doctors kept cautioning me not to do too much strenuous activity. Between the insatiable tiredness the first trimester, and the coldest winter in history during my second trimester, by the time I was cleared to do some moderate walking, it was heading into summer. And by 34 weeks gestation, I had to be put on modified best rest for the duration of my pregnancy.

Then all “formal” exercise stopped. I had a colicky, reflux, non-sleeping baby which lasted a good 6 months, if not more. My son officially started to sleep for at least 5 hours at a time right before his third birthday. I was a zombie. Add to that a diagnosis of Polycystic Ovary Syndrome which caused me to gain over 50 pounds in 2 years and you have a totally burnt-out, obese, slug of a Mom. I was done with exercise. And with an over-the-top, active child, my constant fantasy was a big, fluffy pillow, cozy comforter, and a straight 7-8 hours of sleep. In fact, my first two Mother’s Day requests were exactly that. I didn’t want to go out to a fancy restaurant or celebrate with family. I wanted sleep and only sleep.

Now, five years later, and 60+ pounds lighter, I still crave sleep. However both my son and my dog are bringing out that inner athlete that has been dormant all these years. My husband used to work at home and would take our dogs on 1 - 3 mile walks practically every day. I think that contributed to their longevity and good health. Eight months ago, my husband moved his office, taking our older female dog with him, but leaving our male dog at home. Coincidentally, our male dog has needed 3 surgeries in the past 8 months. I came home one afternoon and looked at my dog who had the saddest look on his face. I immediately said to him, “Maxi...we’re going for a nice walk! No more of this lying around doing nothing. You look like you are rusting.” He heard the word, “walk,” and immediately got up. He met some “friends” on his walk; He got to sniff the world and smell the Spring air. Most importantly, he was smiling! And I got a face full of kisses when we returned!

Around the time I decided to take my dog for daily walks, my son wanted to visit our local park on any nice day after school. Evidently someone had introduced him to Handball and he wanted to practice his technique whenever he could. If he made a friend at the park, the two of them would play until the other child either became tired or had to go home. Then it was my turn to be the “substitute” player until another friend came along. I must say, my son is a very good teacher. I started out trying to play tennis with the handball until my son corrected my technique. Then we became quite good competitors! I’m not sure if the other Moms who were standing around conversing thought I was a total nut. It didn’t matter to me because I was bonding with my son on a completely different level. We usually bond cuddling in his bed or spending downtime together. But here we were bonding while being active and enjoying the sport and casual competitiveness. And I admit I enjoy being outside and moving around! I am feeling really good being active again!

So, although resurrecting an exercise routine was the absolute last thing I was planning to do in my life, it’s turning out to be one of the best. I ran into a woman, while walking my dog the other day who had the same breed dog. She said she walked her dog every day...and her dog was 18 years old! Considering that our female dog is 17 years old and my husband still takes her for good walks during his lunch break, there should be no reason why my male dog couldn’t live as long.

The two best gifts of my life: Continuing to cultivate stronger and stronger bonds with my son and having my sweet dog by my side. They will both ensure that I stay healthy and loved!

Things My Child Has Taught Me

As parents, we are constantly teaching our children. It may be overt teaching, role modeling, or simple day-to-day interactions. Conversely, our children are always learning, whether it be through formal education, social interaction, or simple observation of the world around them. There is always something we can always learn.

This past weekend was filled with situations that were fuel for reflection. I would like to share what I learned and even get some feedback from our readers as to what they have learned through being a parent.

1.  Family is the most important aspect of a child’s life.

2.  If a person has even one individual in their life that they trust and feel completely secure with, then they have what they need to feel fulfilled as a human being.

3.  Yes, a dog, or other pet, can, at times, be a sibling.

4.  All work, and no play, can stifle our imagination, our creativity, and lead us to burn out.

5.  Exercise that doesn’t feel like exercise is the best type of exercise of all!

6.  Even 48 year-old, out-of-shape, Moms can learn to play handball!

7.  The best bonding is usually found either through car rides, or sitting together with Legos or a puzzle.

8.  It’s okay if you want to wear your underpants backwards. Who’s going to check?

9.  It’s good to be persistent. It may make a Mother’s hair turn prematurely gray and she may need to hide in the bathroom and count to 1,000, but if your child is motivated to achieve something, or get something done, perseverance and persistence will get them there! Don’t squelch it!

10. Go outside. There is a wonder that nature provides during every season.

11. Introduce yourself to new people. My son does this all the time. I can’t tell you how much fun he has had by walking up to other children around his age and saying, “Hi! I’m Brandon! Want to play?” To my knowledge, his tactic hasn’t failed yet!

12. Leaving the house with two socks on and entering the house with only one can be liberating.

13. When you are down in the dumps and nothing seems to pick up your spirits, go see a movie about hip-hop, singing and dancing birds!

14. Sleep when your child sleeps! Even if that is at 8:30pm! You might find that waking up completely refreshed, rather than putting that last load of laundry away or emptying the dishwasher was so worth it!

15. Children get dirty, especially boys. That’s why boy’s clothing comes in ugly, drab, dark colors. And also why there are 15 different types of stain removers in stores.

16. Show your affection. If you are home, there is no need to ask permission. If you are out in public, ask out of courtesy. And hug like you never want them to leave!

When Fantasy Explodes into Reality

I woke up to the sound of my son sobbing twice over the past couple weeks. The second time I cried myself for a few minutes before I went in to console him. I already knew the reason why.

A couple weeks ago, my son lost a tooth completely without warning...at least to me. He hadn’t mentioned any loose teeth at all. He hadn’t been wiggling any teeth that I knew of. I was taken by complete surprise when he came home from karate and announced, “Mommy!! I lost another tooth! Quick! We have to tell Nute!!” Nute is my son’s personal Tooth Fairy. He wanted me to e-mail Nute to inform him that he had lost a tooth and request a specific, small gift. The e-mail wasn’t a problem. The gift was a huge problem. I had something similar hidden, which I planned to put under his pillow, but there was absolutely no way I could get the gift my son wanted with such short notice. And my son even added, “If Nute brings me what I want, then I’ll KNOW he’s real!” Ouch. Evidently friends of his with older siblings told his friends that the tooth fairy wasn’t a reality. And I could tell that my son wanted to prove them wrong.

I blame myself for this fiasco I found myself in. Every Mom I know only gives their children money when their children lose a tooth. I love lavishing my son with extra “goodies” whenever an event will allow it. I have him save up his own money to buy items he wants in between holidays and events. But I’m a sucker for my son’s happiness, especially in light of an impending divorce. I know I shouldn’t do it; I should either spend more time with him playing or give him extra attention, (and I usually do). But setting the precedent by giving him small toys as tooth fairy gifts is now not only making me want to kick myself, it forced my son to face reality in a terribly painful way.

Two weeks ago, I heard my son sobbing while I was still in bed. I panicked and raced out of bed and into his room. He was wrapped up with his covers over his head and the toy I had put under his pillow was thrown across the room. I didn’t even have to ask. I sat down next to my son and hugged him, rocking him back and forth. In between sobs, I heard, “Nute is not real!! They told me he wasn’t real and I didn’t believe them (evidently his friends)! But they were right! I hate Nute!! I hate the tooth fairy!!” The pain of reality was almost palpable. I started crying too. How do you apologize for wanting to be a really good Mom?? I tried to convince him that the toy was close to what he wanted and that maybe Nute just couldn’t get exactly what my son wanted? My son sobbed even more, “No!! There IS no Nute!! There IS no Tooth Fairy!! Nute would have gotten me what I wanted if he was real!! He’s not real!! He doesn’t exist!!” I didn’t say a word. I had nothing I could say that would take away his “growing pains.” The pain that every child has to feel eventually. The pain every child has to work through. The pain that slices through a Mother’s heart.

Fast forward to this past weekend. My son and I went to an Easter Carnival with some close friends and their kids. There were Hula Hoop contests and Sack Races, a Magician displayed magic tricks and crafts were available to make foam bunnies or sheep. Considering that it was indoors on a miserable, cold, raining day, it was perfect for our active kids. When the carnival was over and we all went back to my friend’s house. All of the children got into a discussion about what the Easter Bunny would bring them the next day. Knowing that my son is the only child on earth who doesn’t like anything sweet (definitely one of his redeeming qualities), he wanted the Easter Bunny to bring him the same toy that the tooth fairy failed to bring him. Damn! Why hadn’t I bought this toy and had it stashed?? Last year my son was obsessed with these toys called GoGo Crazy Bones. They are each small enough to put into a plastic egg, so I filled some eggs with the GoGos and put in other little trinket type items in some of the other eggs. The Easter Bunny ruled last year!! But what was I going to do this year?? I had nothing small enough to put into plastic eggs for my son. Or did I?

I have a basket that we put all of our spare change in. It is overflowing with pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters. I counted out five dollars in coins and dispersed them in some plastic eggs! This way my son could get a head start working to save up for the toy he wanted! How clever I was! I filled and arranged a basket and set it out for him to dig through when he woke up! I even included a seed packet of carrot seeds that we could plant because I remembered my son reminding me that we had to buy vegetable plants at the school plant sale that was coming up! I felt that I had redeemed myself after the Tooth Fairy fiasco.

The next morning I again woke to the sound of sobbing coming from my son’s room. I knew exactly why he was crying and I just couldn’t face my son’s pain so soon after his last dose of reality. I stayed in my bed, tears streaming down my own face as I listened to this heart wrenching pain. I finally dried my face and slowly walked into my son’s room. Coins were strewn everywhere. The basket was overturned and the shredded paper was pulled apart and littered the floor. Plastic eggs were among the shreds. My son sat on his bed, tears streaming down his precious face. Again, I had nothing to say. I walked over, sat next to my son and held him. He mumbled, “The Easter Bunny is a fake also.” I asked why. He replied that the Easter Bunny didn’t bring him the toy he wanted either. I halfheartedly tried to convince my son that the Easter Bunny probably gave him enough coins to come close for my son to buy the toy he wanted. I also offered to collect all of the strewn money and give him dollar bills in return. He just shrugged and continued to quietly cry. This time I not only wanted to kick myself, I wanted to give a swift kick to the fabricated Easter Bunny as well!

It’s impossible to avoid the growing pains our children must endure as they mature. If it’s not the Tooth Fairy now, it will be the rejection of a “crush” later on. And it will continue, right into adulthood when your child goes on a job interview, only to receive a call informing them that another candidate was chosen. Our children will survive each of these reality checks. And they will learn how to better cope each time another one comes along. But for a Mother, each of these will feel to her exactly like the first. And a little part of her heart will feel wounded with each “blow.” Many years from now, she even may find herself lying in bed, with tears gently sliding down her face. Almost like the very first time.

CARA’S SHOW REVIEW: MADAGASCAR LIVE

If you want a treat that the whole family will enjoy, then you must see the production, “MADAGASCAR LIVE” and become immersed in this highly creative venue. For the first time, DreamWorks Theatricals and Broadway Across America are bringing “MADAGASCAR LIVE,” the first-ever live family touring show to Radio City Music Hall, in New York City, and later to over 70 cities across the United States throughout this year! For those of you who remember watching Madagascar, the movie, you will recall the cast of characters who made the movie such a success. A brand new stage show, aimed at family audiences, stars the cast of popular characters from the beloved “Madagascar” film series, which include Alex the Lion, Marty the Zebra, Melman the Giraffe, Gloria the Hippo and members of the madcap Madagascar crew, King Julien and the crafty Penguins.

This widely successful production, popular across audiences of all ages, adapts the original story and brings it to new life in this 90-minute stage show. Audience members are transported from the Central Park Zoo to the wild of Madagascar. In addition to featuring everyone’s favorite characters,“MADAGASCAR LIVE” takes the audience on an action packed adventure with an imaginative set, costume and puppet design, magnificent singing and dancing, and of course, everyone’s favorite hit song, “Move It, Move It,” for an experience the entire family will enjoy.

My son (age 7) and I had the opportunity to not only see the show, but were also invited to experience the Radio City Stage Door Tour, interact with King Julien and even meet an actual Rockette! It was exciting to learn about the architecture and design of Radio City Music Hall, see photos of the legendary Rockettes from their origin in 1932 to present day, and finally encounter and take photos with one of the real Rockettes. But of course, for the children, meeting King Julien off stage was the biggest treat! With gifts and stickers to go around for Madagascar questions answered correctly, no one was left empty handed! The tour guides were also extremely knowledgeable, enthusiastic, and kept the tour group in suspense every step of the way!

Once seated, the audience was engaged from the start. Between the story line, interspersed with delightful singing and dancing, both my son and I were overjoyed. My son sat mesmerized by the show. And, of course, all of the children were singing and dancing when the cast sang, “Move It, Move It!” The audience interaction by the youngsters made this aspect of the production even more of a pleasure! It almost made me want to get out of my seat and, “Move It!”

The creative team for “MADAGASCAR LIVE” includes: director, Gip Hoppe; assistant director and choreographer, Jenn Rapp; writer, Kevin Del Aguila and music/lyrics, Joel Someillan and George Noriega. The performers include Nigel Jamaal Clark (“Marty”), Rob Marnell (“Alex”), David Perlman (“Melman”), Aurelia Williams (“Gloria”), Drew Hirschfield, (“King Julian”), and Darren Lorenzo (“Maurice”).  istant Director & Choreographer

“MADAGASCAR LIVE” will be performing 18 shows at Radio City Music Hall beginning April 15 through April 24. Tickets for the general public are on sale now by calling 866.858.0008, online at www.radiocity.com/Madagascar.com or in-person at the Radio City Music Hall box office. For groups, please call 212.465.6080. Members of Motherhood Later can get 50% off select tickets with code EM412.

For more information about “MADAGASCAR LIVE,” visit www.madlive.com or on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Madagascar-Live/156147897738163).

This is one show you and your family won’t want to miss!

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What to Do? What to Do?

I’ve been having a rather stressful past several days. And not only did I let something slide, which I shouldn’t have done, but I also allowed my son to outright lie to me without calling him out on it. And now I am stuck in two extremely awkward and important predicaments.

For the third time within three months, my dog had to be admitted into the animal hospital. Thank goodness, no surgery was needed. However he was retching and vomiting but needed strong antibiotics badly, thus he needed to stay in the hospital to have them given intravenously. They ruled out certain diagnoses, however the Medical team needed to do an ultrasound on my dog on Monday to rule out anything further. This was all on Saturday.

On Sunday, my son and I had a Motherhood Later event to attend mid-afternoon at the NY Hall of Science (and we had a wonderful time!), but I was stuck with an ultra energetic child for the entire morning. I actually thought this kid was going to stick to the ceiling.

My son has a friend at school whom my husband and I do not approve of. This child has bullied my son by throwing balls at him until my son had to cower. He also coaxed my son into drawing a picture that almost had my son thrown out of the after school program both boys attend. We realize that we can’t separate the boys while they are in school, but we had put a stop to playdates outside of school because we noticed my son had been developing an “attitude” the more time he spent with this boy and was using what I call, “bathroom vocabulary,” more after he had spent time with this other child. My husband and I successfully pulled the no playdate rule off, but now it is back...in full force.

My son wanted to go to our local park and ride his scooter with this boy the morning of the Motherhood Later event, which was in the afternoon. My husband and I had discussed allowing our son to go to the park with this boy for the whole week prior to Sunday. In my last discussion with our son, I told him that it was not a good idea. My husband, in a conversation at a different time, had told my son the same thing. I confirmed with my husband that the two boys were not to go to the park. End of story. Lesson #1: With important issues, have a family meeting where all members of the family are present to avoid the next issue I still am unsure how to deal with...lying.

On Sunday morning, my son was hounding me to call his friend’s mother to see when they could go to the park. I reiterated that we were not going to go to the park to play with his friend. Then came the lie: “But Daddy said that I could go to the park,” which I knew was a blatant lie. There were also other issues circling at that moment. Firstly, I was a nervous wreck about my dog and was awaiting a call from the Animal Hospital to get an update. Secondly, I knew at that very moment, my husband was in a boxing class at the gym and would never hear his phone ringing, so it was pointless to call to “confirm” that my husband had given him permission. Third, my son needed to get out of the house and use up some of his pent up energy. I made a rash decision. I let the lie slide and called the other boy’s Mom. I explained to her that my dog was in the hospital and that I needed to stay home because I was awaiting a call from the  hospital with an update. I asked if she minded picking my son up and bringing the boys to the park (a block away from my house), and told her that I would come get my son around noon to feed him lunch. She called around 11:30am and said the boys were hungry and asked if she could take them both to her house to feed them. I agreed simply because it was one less thing I had to do or think about. The Animal Hospital had already called and said my dog was stable but still having vomiting issues.

I finally picked up my son to go to the Motherhood Later event, and sighed in relief that the playdate was over. But the lying issue was still hanging over my head and I also opened up a can of worms by not standing my ground and saying no to the playdate. Now my son is going to want more playdates with this child whom I am not terribly fond of. It is a good thing that I have full days planned for my son and I the next two Sundays. But I am going to have to think long and hard (and get some knowledgeable advice) about how to go about dealing with the lying and trying to prevent future playdates with my son’s friend. What to do, what to do?

As an aside, my dog is home and slowly improving. Thank goodness one thing is going in the right direction! 

7 Going on 13

My son wanted jeans. He wanted them because all of the boys in school wear jeans and because all of the skateboard “dudes” wears jeans. And my son wants to be the next Tony Hawk (for those of you out there who either have only girls or boys too young to be interested in skateboarding, Tony Hawk is the ultimate skateboard champion. Just thought you might want to know that).

In any event, my son thinks he is already a “tween.” And from an informal poll, so do a lot of other kids my son’s age. I have a friend who has a daughter (also age 7), who begged her Mom to take her to Abercrombie & Fitch to buy spaghetti strap tanks WITH PUSH UP BRAS IN THEM!!! What 7-year-old girl needs a push up bra?!? (From what I hear, Abercrombie & Fitch is receiving a lot of flack from parents regarding this item).

Where does it end?? Or does it?

These types of scenarios are becoming all too common as our children are reaching for adult status. My son watches iCarly and The Suite Life of Zach and Cody, both which are meant for tweens, but as far as sitcoms go, they are fairly tame. When I brought these shows up in conversation at a birthday party recently, almost every Mom not only knew of these television shows, but admitted that their 7 and 8 year olds watch them too. I was shocked, but I wasn’t.

According to Diane Levin, Ph.D, professor of education at Wheelock College in Boston, the message that kids are taking away from these shows and entertainers is that buying the “right” items (i.e. my son’s jeans), or looking the “right” way, (as in wearing an Abercrombie & Fitch tank with a push up bra), are what determine a child’s value as a person.

This is nothing new. I remember haranguing my Mom to buy me Levis with the leather tag on the waste so that I would “fit it” with my peers. However, I was 14, not 7. Studies have revealed that girls who are obsessed with their appearance at earlier ages are more prone to take up smoking, become depressed and develop eating disorders as they get older. Boys, on the other hand, are getting the message that they need to appear active and tough to be considered cool. They also risk becoming depressed if they don’t measure up. I’ve heard 7 and 8 year old boys ask when they can “work out” at their parent’s gym! My first thought was, “Go outside and play!” But that is fodder for a whole different blog.

How, as concerned parents, can we keep our young kids, well, young kids? One way is to stay connected to your children. Your messages are far more influential to your children whether you think so, or not. And ask questions: Why does your child like to watch iCarly? It could be simply the antics that go on, as my son pointed out to me. The goal is to keep the lines of communication open, so that when bigger issues come up with your child (and they will), your child will feel safe talking with you about them. You don’t need to have all of the answers; simply acknowledging the social pressures your child has to deal with is enough. And that you are always there for them, without judgment.

As for my son’s jeans, he gave up wearing them for now. He has Sensitivity Disorders and said the jeans were too stiff and gave him a “wedgy,” (Hmm...let me guess where he learned  that word?). But there will be other items that my son will have to have in order to stay “cool.” And what I will have to do is remember back to my Levis with the leather tag on the waist! That’s all that we’ll need to get through another episode of childhood angst!