I’m Gonna Get Away - by Cara

May 28, 2010. Memorial Day Weekend. My fifteenth wedding anniversary. And I’m going away.

This used to be the most exciting day and weekend of my life! For years after I got married, I would chidingly say to my husband, “Let’s get married this weekend!” even though we already were.

I woke up from a sound sleep at 2 am a couple months ago, and I was having a panic attack. I couldn’t bear to be in my home, sobbing and grieving over the loss of my marriage on that weekend. Even the thought of seeing my husband, however brief, had me already crying. So I picked up my laptop and started investigating package deals.

I knew where I wanted to go. I knew EXACTLY where I wanted to go. I wanted to go to the Atlantis Resort on Paradise Island in the Bahamas! I had been there for the day, a couple times before, when cruises I took made a stop in the Bahamas for the day.

I instantly loved the Atlantis! It is big enough to be anonymous, yet small enough to easily get to know your way around. There are so many things to do, from swimming with dolphins to relaxing under a palm tree to rock climbing! I plan to seek out how many kid friendly things there are to do there because I’d like to take my son there the week before school starts! He had been there once and loved it so much that when he saw a commercial for it he asked, “Mommy? Didn’t we go there?” I told him that we did and he replied, “I knew it!! Let’s go again!!” I didn’t promise him we would go, but I am going to get as much information as I can for possibly a short stay at the end of the summer. He is so enamored with the Atlantis, that he wants a couple Lego sets based on this Resort. I bought him two Atlantis Lego sets. I will be giving him one before I leave. The other will be a “present” for when I return, 4 days later.

When I told my husband that I would be going away, he had an odd reaction of relief and joy. Relief because I suppose he won’t have to acknowledge the uncomfortableness of the weekend. And joy because he has dozens of activities already planned for him to do with our son.

I will be bringing my laptop to Skype with my son each day. I am also bringing a book called, “The Happiness Project,” which has gotten very good reviews. I think it’s time I embark on my own Happiness Project. And even if all I do is sit under a palm tree, reading this book, I will be content.

Being completely off of the continent will bring a nice respite for the tremendous stress I have been going through, each and every day. It will be nice to clear my head among such beautiful surroundings. And with a little hope, I will be enjoying myself so much that I will completely forget that it is Memorial Day weekend. And even more importantly, forget about a certain date. May 28, 2010.

First Grade Algebra

I may be dating myself, but I distinctly remember learning Algebra in the ninth grade. I had a VERY good but VERY strict woman teacher who explained the concepts so well, I think I received 100% on every test! And I don’t give myself the credit, because math is not my strong suit! This particular teacher was excellent! And I will never forget how wonderful she made me feel inside through being so successful in her class because she translated the concepts into such simple language! I had wished she taught every subject in high school!

Fast-forward 32 years later. I am sitting down with my already burnt out son, trying to figure out what in the world the teacher wants us to do with the algebraic equations on this piece of paper! And, of course, all of the problems are verbal, so not only do you have to understand what is written (which my son has problems with to begin with), but also you then have to take this verbal information and translate it into numeric equations! In first grade!!

Not only did I have to send my whining son away to take a break so that I could focus on the math problems at hand, I went into my husband’s office to show him this sheet of nonsense to see if HE could figure it out! And unlike me, he did NOT do well in algebra!!

So my question is, what is going on here? I’ve asked my son’s teacher why a first grader needs to know algebra and her response was that the fourth and fifth grade teachers are getting flack from administration because the children in these grades are not doing as well on the standardized tests. If math concepts are filtered down earlier through the grades, by fourth and fifth grade, children should be showing improvements on the standardized tests.

What all of this boils down to is rank order. School systems are becoming so competitive that first graders are now being pushed to do algebra so that by fifth grade these children do so well, that the school is ranked higher against other schools.

This is all beauracracy!! My son is made to believe that he is “dumb” because he can’t spit out algebraic equations on the tip of his tongue! He has to come home from a long day at school and practically cry because some school administrator feels it is necessary to “filter down” math to the lower grades so that they will later do better on standardized tests?? I would like to take my son, who has above average intelligence, I am told, and sit down with him to do this so-called “algebra” at the administrator’s home! I would like for the administrator to see how it demeans a child’s sense of accomplishment when they struggle to understand a concept that is way beyond his comprehension! Especially when they have had 40 minutes of homework that they’ve already done! I’d like this administrator to watch as my son starts to cry because he can’t take anymore of this unnecessary insanity and just puts down anything on the page, just to be done with it!! Then this administrator can tell me about the benefits of “filtering down” mathematic concepts to the lower grades!!

What did I end up doing with this homework? I sent in a nicely written note, asking the teacher to send home more specific instructions, so that the parents could assist their children with their homework. No algebra homework has come home since.

By the way, unless you are a teacher or mathematics/English major, could you explain to me just exactly what an “addend” or “dipthong” is?

Planting a Child

I must start off by confessing my guilt over the past five years. Every Mother’s Day since the first Mother’s Day after my son was born, I have not wanted flowers. I have not wanted jewelry. I have not wanted dinner out at a fancy restaurant. I have not wanted anything but for someone to take my child away and care for him for as much of Mother’s Day as possible. That’s all. And for those of you who are gasping, I will explain. From birth, my son has been probably the most challenging child ever born. And every day, for 364 days of the year, I would be the sleep deprived Mom of a highly energetic and creative baby and toddler. So, come Mother’s Day, all I would ask of my husband would be to take our son to visit his Grandmother, take him to a park, take him anywhere, but, please, take him out of the house for as long as possible! And my husband always obliged. I would relish those one days a year! I would mostly catch up on much needed sleep or read a book or check the 251 e-mails in my inbox. None of my friends ever understood. They would call to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day and ask what I would be doing for the day and I would reply, truthfully, “nothing.” I would then explain that I wanted a day of “nothing” for Mother’s Day. To fill up the pregnant pause that always came, I would quickly change the subject to find out what they would be doing and wish them a wonderful Mother’s Day. Now, this year is going to be different. Quite different. Since my husband doesn’t like to spend much time in our home, on the weekends he takes our son to do various activities and spend downtime at his mother’s house. I don’t get to see much of my son many weekends, unless my husband is travelling or I have a specific event for my son and I to go to. This year, I want my son all to myself for Mother’s Day!! For the past few weeks we have been nurturing seedlings on our window sills into nice hardy plants that are ready for the outdoors! I also attended a plant sale at my son’s school, where I met my son and we picked out more beautiful plants! And, true to my son’s personality, he had to make an announcement to his entire class that I was there to pick out plants with him! He was so proud to have me there! I was gushing like a schoolgirl who had a crush! My son loves me and wanted everyone to know it!! My heart melted! So this year, Mother’s Day is going to be a splended day of bonding with my son while planting flowers and vegetables! The weather is predicted to be pleasant, so I am looking forward to digging in the dirt with my son! And I know while we are digging, we will inevitably find an earthworm that my compassionate son will befriend and want to have live in the house with us. And he will name him “Wormy.” And I will be completely in the moment of being in the presence of my son, planting and talking about everything and nothing. And I will enjoy every second with my child! Just like nurturing the seedlings on our window sill, young ones need special care and tending to. And as they outgrow their containers, you have to take them from their safe environments and plant them somewhere else. Then you have to watch them grow! Grow bigger and stronger and able to take on the elements! They will still need tending to. But they must learn to continue growing on their own. And with a little luck, these plants will thrive under your care. As much as I didn’t want to spend Mother’s Day with my son all these years, I must have done something right the other 364 days of the year! I tended to my son so carefully when he was young, at the expense of taking care of my own needs. And when my son was ready, I sent him out into the world to see how he would do, always in the background in case he needed tending to. But my son flourished! Now he is growing rapidly in every direction! He needs to be “pruned” a little now and then, but he is weathering his own elements. He knows I am always there to tend to him. But, day by day, I am letting him flourish in his own garden! He is still a young plant and needs me to care for him. But he is also showing me how he has been able to take on his own elements successfully! I am so in love with and completely amazed at what good parenting can produce! The best complement he could have ever given me was to announce to his class that I was there to help him pick out plants! There were other parents at the plant sale. But my son needed to let the world know that I was there for HIM!! I will ALWAYS be there for my son. We’ve come a long way in 6 1/2 years. But I love this child like crazy. And no matter how little time we sometimes get to spend with one another, I know how much we love each other. I am anxious to see what type of plant my son does become! But I’m not so anxious that I want the time we have together to fly by. I’m content to sit back, nurture, prune and watch my son slowly grow. And from now on, Mother’s Day is going to become, “Mommy and Me” day!! I don’t want flowers, nor jewelry, nor eating in a fancy restaurant. The only thing I want is my son. Just him and him alone. Along with some seedlings ready to plant throughout the day! And also finding a worm and naming him, “Wormy.” I dedicate this blog to my incredible son! You are my moon, the sun and the stars above! I love you, Sweetheart!!