When Fantasy Explodes into Reality

I woke up to the sound of my son sobbing twice over the past couple weeks. The second time I cried myself for a few minutes before I went in to console him. I already knew the reason why.

A couple weeks ago, my son lost a tooth completely without warning...at least to me. He hadn’t mentioned any loose teeth at all. He hadn’t been wiggling any teeth that I knew of. I was taken by complete surprise when he came home from karate and announced, “Mommy!! I lost another tooth! Quick! We have to tell Nute!!” Nute is my son’s personal Tooth Fairy. He wanted me to e-mail Nute to inform him that he had lost a tooth and request a specific, small gift. The e-mail wasn’t a problem. The gift was a huge problem. I had something similar hidden, which I planned to put under his pillow, but there was absolutely no way I could get the gift my son wanted with such short notice. And my son even added, “If Nute brings me what I want, then I’ll KNOW he’s real!” Ouch. Evidently friends of his with older siblings told his friends that the tooth fairy wasn’t a reality. And I could tell that my son wanted to prove them wrong.

I blame myself for this fiasco I found myself in. Every Mom I know only gives their children money when their children lose a tooth. I love lavishing my son with extra “goodies” whenever an event will allow it. I have him save up his own money to buy items he wants in between holidays and events. But I’m a sucker for my son’s happiness, especially in light of an impending divorce. I know I shouldn’t do it; I should either spend more time with him playing or give him extra attention, (and I usually do). But setting the precedent by giving him small toys as tooth fairy gifts is now not only making me want to kick myself, it forced my son to face reality in a terribly painful way.

Two weeks ago, I heard my son sobbing while I was still in bed. I panicked and raced out of bed and into his room. He was wrapped up with his covers over his head and the toy I had put under his pillow was thrown across the room. I didn’t even have to ask. I sat down next to my son and hugged him, rocking him back and forth. In between sobs, I heard, “Nute is not real!! They told me he wasn’t real and I didn’t believe them (evidently his friends)! But they were right! I hate Nute!! I hate the tooth fairy!!” The pain of reality was almost palpable. I started crying too. How do you apologize for wanting to be a really good Mom?? I tried to convince him that the toy was close to what he wanted and that maybe Nute just couldn’t get exactly what my son wanted? My son sobbed even more, “No!! There IS no Nute!! There IS no Tooth Fairy!! Nute would have gotten me what I wanted if he was real!! He’s not real!! He doesn’t exist!!” I didn’t say a word. I had nothing I could say that would take away his “growing pains.” The pain that every child has to feel eventually. The pain every child has to work through. The pain that slices through a Mother’s heart.

Fast forward to this past weekend. My son and I went to an Easter Carnival with some close friends and their kids. There were Hula Hoop contests and Sack Races, a Magician displayed magic tricks and crafts were available to make foam bunnies or sheep. Considering that it was indoors on a miserable, cold, raining day, it was perfect for our active kids. When the carnival was over and we all went back to my friend’s house. All of the children got into a discussion about what the Easter Bunny would bring them the next day. Knowing that my son is the only child on earth who doesn’t like anything sweet (definitely one of his redeeming qualities), he wanted the Easter Bunny to bring him the same toy that the tooth fairy failed to bring him. Damn! Why hadn’t I bought this toy and had it stashed?? Last year my son was obsessed with these toys called GoGo Crazy Bones. They are each small enough to put into a plastic egg, so I filled some eggs with the GoGos and put in other little trinket type items in some of the other eggs. The Easter Bunny ruled last year!! But what was I going to do this year?? I had nothing small enough to put into plastic eggs for my son. Or did I?

I have a basket that we put all of our spare change in. It is overflowing with pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters. I counted out five dollars in coins and dispersed them in some plastic eggs! This way my son could get a head start working to save up for the toy he wanted! How clever I was! I filled and arranged a basket and set it out for him to dig through when he woke up! I even included a seed packet of carrot seeds that we could plant because I remembered my son reminding me that we had to buy vegetable plants at the school plant sale that was coming up! I felt that I had redeemed myself after the Tooth Fairy fiasco.

The next morning I again woke to the sound of sobbing coming from my son’s room. I knew exactly why he was crying and I just couldn’t face my son’s pain so soon after his last dose of reality. I stayed in my bed, tears streaming down my own face as I listened to this heart wrenching pain. I finally dried my face and slowly walked into my son’s room. Coins were strewn everywhere. The basket was overturned and the shredded paper was pulled apart and littered the floor. Plastic eggs were among the shreds. My son sat on his bed, tears streaming down his precious face. Again, I had nothing to say. I walked over, sat next to my son and held him. He mumbled, “The Easter Bunny is a fake also.” I asked why. He replied that the Easter Bunny didn’t bring him the toy he wanted either. I halfheartedly tried to convince my son that the Easter Bunny probably gave him enough coins to come close for my son to buy the toy he wanted. I also offered to collect all of the strewn money and give him dollar bills in return. He just shrugged and continued to quietly cry. This time I not only wanted to kick myself, I wanted to give a swift kick to the fabricated Easter Bunny as well!

It’s impossible to avoid the growing pains our children must endure as they mature. If it’s not the Tooth Fairy now, it will be the rejection of a “crush” later on. And it will continue, right into adulthood when your child goes on a job interview, only to receive a call informing them that another candidate was chosen. Our children will survive each of these reality checks. And they will learn how to better cope each time another one comes along. But for a Mother, each of these will feel to her exactly like the first. And a little part of her heart will feel wounded with each “blow.” Many years from now, she even may find herself lying in bed, with tears gently sliding down her face. Almost like the very first time.

CARA’S SHOW REVIEW: MADAGASCAR LIVE

If you want a treat that the whole family will enjoy, then you must see the production, “MADAGASCAR LIVE” and become immersed in this highly creative venue. For the first time, DreamWorks Theatricals and Broadway Across America are bringing “MADAGASCAR LIVE,” the first-ever live family touring show to Radio City Music Hall, in New York City, and later to over 70 cities across the United States throughout this year! For those of you who remember watching Madagascar, the movie, you will recall the cast of characters who made the movie such a success. A brand new stage show, aimed at family audiences, stars the cast of popular characters from the beloved “Madagascar” film series, which include Alex the Lion, Marty the Zebra, Melman the Giraffe, Gloria the Hippo and members of the madcap Madagascar crew, King Julien and the crafty Penguins.

This widely successful production, popular across audiences of all ages, adapts the original story and brings it to new life in this 90-minute stage show. Audience members are transported from the Central Park Zoo to the wild of Madagascar. In addition to featuring everyone’s favorite characters,“MADAGASCAR LIVE” takes the audience on an action packed adventure with an imaginative set, costume and puppet design, magnificent singing and dancing, and of course, everyone’s favorite hit song, “Move It, Move It,” for an experience the entire family will enjoy.

My son (age 7) and I had the opportunity to not only see the show, but were also invited to experience the Radio City Stage Door Tour, interact with King Julien and even meet an actual Rockette! It was exciting to learn about the architecture and design of Radio City Music Hall, see photos of the legendary Rockettes from their origin in 1932 to present day, and finally encounter and take photos with one of the real Rockettes. But of course, for the children, meeting King Julien off stage was the biggest treat! With gifts and stickers to go around for Madagascar questions answered correctly, no one was left empty handed! The tour guides were also extremely knowledgeable, enthusiastic, and kept the tour group in suspense every step of the way!

Once seated, the audience was engaged from the start. Between the story line, interspersed with delightful singing and dancing, both my son and I were overjoyed. My son sat mesmerized by the show. And, of course, all of the children were singing and dancing when the cast sang, “Move It, Move It!” The audience interaction by the youngsters made this aspect of the production even more of a pleasure! It almost made me want to get out of my seat and, “Move It!”

The creative team for “MADAGASCAR LIVE” includes: director, Gip Hoppe; assistant director and choreographer, Jenn Rapp; writer, Kevin Del Aguila and music/lyrics, Joel Someillan and George Noriega. The performers include Nigel Jamaal Clark (“Marty”), Rob Marnell (“Alex”), David Perlman (“Melman”), Aurelia Williams (“Gloria”), Drew Hirschfield, (“King Julian”), and Darren Lorenzo (“Maurice”).  istant Director & Choreographer

“MADAGASCAR LIVE” will be performing 18 shows at Radio City Music Hall beginning April 15 through April 24. Tickets for the general public are on sale now by calling 866.858.0008, online at www.radiocity.com/Madagascar.com or in-person at the Radio City Music Hall box office. For groups, please call 212.465.6080. Members of Motherhood Later can get 50% off select tickets with code EM412.

For more information about “MADAGASCAR LIVE,” visit www.madlive.com or on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Madagascar-Live/156147897738163).

This is one show you and your family won’t want to miss!

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What to Do? What to Do?

I’ve been having a rather stressful past several days. And not only did I let something slide, which I shouldn’t have done, but I also allowed my son to outright lie to me without calling him out on it. And now I am stuck in two extremely awkward and important predicaments.

For the third time within three months, my dog had to be admitted into the animal hospital. Thank goodness, no surgery was needed. However he was retching and vomiting but needed strong antibiotics badly, thus he needed to stay in the hospital to have them given intravenously. They ruled out certain diagnoses, however the Medical team needed to do an ultrasound on my dog on Monday to rule out anything further. This was all on Saturday.

On Sunday, my son and I had a Motherhood Later event to attend mid-afternoon at the NY Hall of Science (and we had a wonderful time!), but I was stuck with an ultra energetic child for the entire morning. I actually thought this kid was going to stick to the ceiling.

My son has a friend at school whom my husband and I do not approve of. This child has bullied my son by throwing balls at him until my son had to cower. He also coaxed my son into drawing a picture that almost had my son thrown out of the after school program both boys attend. We realize that we can’t separate the boys while they are in school, but we had put a stop to playdates outside of school because we noticed my son had been developing an “attitude” the more time he spent with this boy and was using what I call, “bathroom vocabulary,” more after he had spent time with this other child. My husband and I successfully pulled the no playdate rule off, but now it is back...in full force.

My son wanted to go to our local park and ride his scooter with this boy the morning of the Motherhood Later event, which was in the afternoon. My husband and I had discussed allowing our son to go to the park with this boy for the whole week prior to Sunday. In my last discussion with our son, I told him that it was not a good idea. My husband, in a conversation at a different time, had told my son the same thing. I confirmed with my husband that the two boys were not to go to the park. End of story. Lesson #1: With important issues, have a family meeting where all members of the family are present to avoid the next issue I still am unsure how to deal with...lying.

On Sunday morning, my son was hounding me to call his friend’s mother to see when they could go to the park. I reiterated that we were not going to go to the park to play with his friend. Then came the lie: “But Daddy said that I could go to the park,” which I knew was a blatant lie. There were also other issues circling at that moment. Firstly, I was a nervous wreck about my dog and was awaiting a call from the Animal Hospital to get an update. Secondly, I knew at that very moment, my husband was in a boxing class at the gym and would never hear his phone ringing, so it was pointless to call to “confirm” that my husband had given him permission. Third, my son needed to get out of the house and use up some of his pent up energy. I made a rash decision. I let the lie slide and called the other boy’s Mom. I explained to her that my dog was in the hospital and that I needed to stay home because I was awaiting a call from the  hospital with an update. I asked if she minded picking my son up and bringing the boys to the park (a block away from my house), and told her that I would come get my son around noon to feed him lunch. She called around 11:30am and said the boys were hungry and asked if she could take them both to her house to feed them. I agreed simply because it was one less thing I had to do or think about. The Animal Hospital had already called and said my dog was stable but still having vomiting issues.

I finally picked up my son to go to the Motherhood Later event, and sighed in relief that the playdate was over. But the lying issue was still hanging over my head and I also opened up a can of worms by not standing my ground and saying no to the playdate. Now my son is going to want more playdates with this child whom I am not terribly fond of. It is a good thing that I have full days planned for my son and I the next two Sundays. But I am going to have to think long and hard (and get some knowledgeable advice) about how to go about dealing with the lying and trying to prevent future playdates with my son’s friend. What to do, what to do?

As an aside, my dog is home and slowly improving. Thank goodness one thing is going in the right direction! 

7 Going on 13

My son wanted jeans. He wanted them because all of the boys in school wear jeans and because all of the skateboard “dudes” wears jeans. And my son wants to be the next Tony Hawk (for those of you out there who either have only girls or boys too young to be interested in skateboarding, Tony Hawk is the ultimate skateboard champion. Just thought you might want to know that).

In any event, my son thinks he is already a “tween.” And from an informal poll, so do a lot of other kids my son’s age. I have a friend who has a daughter (also age 7), who begged her Mom to take her to Abercrombie & Fitch to buy spaghetti strap tanks WITH PUSH UP BRAS IN THEM!!! What 7-year-old girl needs a push up bra?!? (From what I hear, Abercrombie & Fitch is receiving a lot of flack from parents regarding this item).

Where does it end?? Or does it?

These types of scenarios are becoming all too common as our children are reaching for adult status. My son watches iCarly and The Suite Life of Zach and Cody, both which are meant for tweens, but as far as sitcoms go, they are fairly tame. When I brought these shows up in conversation at a birthday party recently, almost every Mom not only knew of these television shows, but admitted that their 7 and 8 year olds watch them too. I was shocked, but I wasn’t.

According to Diane Levin, Ph.D, professor of education at Wheelock College in Boston, the message that kids are taking away from these shows and entertainers is that buying the “right” items (i.e. my son’s jeans), or looking the “right” way, (as in wearing an Abercrombie & Fitch tank with a push up bra), are what determine a child’s value as a person.

This is nothing new. I remember haranguing my Mom to buy me Levis with the leather tag on the waste so that I would “fit it” with my peers. However, I was 14, not 7. Studies have revealed that girls who are obsessed with their appearance at earlier ages are more prone to take up smoking, become depressed and develop eating disorders as they get older. Boys, on the other hand, are getting the message that they need to appear active and tough to be considered cool. They also risk becoming depressed if they don’t measure up. I’ve heard 7 and 8 year old boys ask when they can “work out” at their parent’s gym! My first thought was, “Go outside and play!” But that is fodder for a whole different blog.

How, as concerned parents, can we keep our young kids, well, young kids? One way is to stay connected to your children. Your messages are far more influential to your children whether you think so, or not. And ask questions: Why does your child like to watch iCarly? It could be simply the antics that go on, as my son pointed out to me. The goal is to keep the lines of communication open, so that when bigger issues come up with your child (and they will), your child will feel safe talking with you about them. You don’t need to have all of the answers; simply acknowledging the social pressures your child has to deal with is enough. And that you are always there for them, without judgment.

As for my son’s jeans, he gave up wearing them for now. He has Sensitivity Disorders and said the jeans were too stiff and gave him a “wedgy,” (Hmm...let me guess where he learned  that word?). But there will be other items that my son will have to have in order to stay “cool.” And what I will have to do is remember back to my Levis with the leather tag on the waist! That’s all that we’ll need to get through another episode of childhood angst!