The Calm Before the Storm

As I am writing this, I am prepared for and awaiting Hurricane Irene to pass by this area of the East Coast. Although several of my friends who live near to the shoreline have already had to evacuate, I am thankful that I am able to stay in my own home. After last year's tornado, one dinky hurricane is not scaring me away.

Most important to me, at this moment, is that for the first time in, I don't know how many years, I am alone. Completely, utterly, you can hear a pin drop, alone. I am feeling devinely bliss.

My husband took my son to California to visit with my Brother-in-Law and his family. I felt that this was a perfect time to get our carpets professionally cleaned in our home. The dogs went to the kennel ("Doggie Camp," as my son calls it). Although I was left to shlep numerous items downstairs and orchestrate this whole undertaking, once the cleaners left, I took a nice hot shower and then a peaceful, completely uninterrupted nap. Sublime does not even begin to describe how I felt.

Family and dogs were all supposed to return home on Saturday. With the forecast of Hurricane Irene passing through our area over the weekend, my husband made the decision to fly back home with my son on Monday. Dogs will be coming home then too. Here I thought I would have two days to relax and unwind. Now it has turned into four! I am completely in Heaven! Even if we lose electricity, I will luxuriate in reading novels barely started or take well deserved naps. As a well designed credit card commercial tags, what I have now is priceless!

From this blessed experience, I must admit that as a Later Mom, I feel we all need significant downtime. This time alone has been truly an unexpected blessing because every one of my typical days is filled with enormous amounts of stress. Putting myself aside, though, shouldn't every Mom get alone time? Real alone time. Not catch up on e-mail time. Not do some extra laundry time. Real, honest-to-goodness do something relaxing time! 

I often cringe when magazines or professional organizers suggest to Moms that they "schedule" downtime for themselves. If I have to schedule it, then how can it truly be considered "downtime?" My personal example is that I have a standing manicure appointment at the same time, every two weeks. Manicures used to be luxurious for me. They bordered on indulgent. Now they have been relegated to a "task" that needs to be fulfilled whether I'm in the mood for a manicure or not. It has lost it's specialness.

Some say, "You should schedule a walk into your day," or "Go to a yoga class each week." Both would make me feel good, but eventually they will also become "commitments" that I will eventually resent. "Scheduling" in true relaxation time just doesn't do it for me. I need unexpected or minimally planned "me" time. I anticipated having two "alone" days this week. I now have four! What an amazing, precious gift!

Our recent Guest Blogger, Holly Sklar, made the same point. She described "Date Night" with her husband as almost another task on the "To Do" list. She stated that the thrill and excitement of it, especially after a full, busy week, felt like another chore. Even as couples, relaxation time together is no longer what it used to be. As she pointed out, as a Later Mom, parenting, having a full or part time job, and running a home, drain the life out of you. And as she admitted, she almost resents her children for it, even though she loves them passionately.

So where does this leave us? If we schedule in some pampering or relaxation time, we risk having it turn into a chore. If we don't schedule it in, we get drained, cranky, and worn down. There needs to be a happy medium.

I found, especially through this unexpected gift of alone time, that by asking for it may be the best solution. When you are feeling the need to escape, ask your mate to watch the kids while you hit the gym. If you are run down and need a massage, hire a babysitter or ask a friend to watch your kids. If the sight of books and toys strewn across the room make you want to scream and cry at the same time, ask to get a manicure while the family eats dinner. And while you are asking, request that the dishes and pans get cleaned as well so as not to "smudge" your pretty fingers. All of these unexpected gifts of time will be so much more meaningful and needed at the times when you need them most! They will feel like gifts instead of chores! You will be nurturing your own body, mind and soul.

Lastly, though, reciprocate. A Mom friend of mine who has a son the same age, had my son over for a six hour playdate! I was at a stress point where I needed alone time very desperately. In turn, I took her son for a six hour playdate this past weekend. I could tell that she was equally grateful to have gotten a large chunk of time for herself as well. 

It all boils down to what we need, when we need it, and to find a way to get that need fulfilled. Our lives are over planned as it is. So try to get your own unexpected time in. You might be surprised at how easy and effective it can be. If you are even luckier, a roadblock, like my Hurricane, will come along, allowing you to indulge in your alone time just a little bit longer! I'm certainly enjoying mine!

Cara's Fun Finds

We've been getting quite a few exciting products for kids here at MotherhoodLater.com! 

I'd like to share some of these with you!

Jungle Speed

There is a new game that has already taken Europe by storm! Jungle Speed is now available in America with more than two million games already sold. Developed by the company Asmodee, Jungle Speed is a fast, quick thinking game using lightening fast reflexes. The object of the game is for the opponents to be quick enough to get rid of their cards by grabbing a bright yellow totem in the middle.

I played Jungle Speed with my son, husband and Mother-in-Law. After a quick reading of the instructions to each player, we were off, flipping cards and racing to grab the coveted totem! My son had the most fun, partially because his reflexes were quickest! We all had fun, though, trying to flip our cards in creative ways, matching symbols and trying to grab that totem! Needless to say, my son won several rounds. We all had fun, though, trying to get the totem and rid our cards to win!

Jungle Speed is for ages 8+

Playing time: 15 minutes (although we far exceeded that!)

Includes a cloth bag, 80 cards, one totem and one rule book.

This game retails for $19.99 and is currently available at Toys "R" Us, Target, Walmart and other major and individual retailers across the country.

For a game play video, check out:

http://us.Asmodee.com/resources/video/?video=156

The Adventures of Bella & Harry

Let's Visit Venice!

By Lisa Manzione

The Adventures of Bella and Harry is a picture book series that takes the young reader through excursions of a dog named Bella, her little brother Harry and their family. Together they travel the world exploring new, exciting cities. These two lovable Chihuahuas travel the world while allowing readers to learn and appreciate different countries and understand each country's cultural diversity.

The "Bella and Harry" series is an informative, interactive and exciting way to introduce children to travel. As the pups visit other countries, they learn about the customs, history and exciting landmarks. The series explores locations both domestically as well as internationally.

In this second book of the series, Bella and Harry visit Venice, Italy. My son (age 8) read the book to me and giggled his way through the escapades! The part my son said he loved the most was when Harry ran off after a flock of pigeons! I presume because my son does the same, he could relate to the excitement and difficulty in catching a bird! 

The artwork in this book, illustrated by Kristine Lucco is gorgeous! The stunning illustrations certainly enhance the beauty of the story as Bella and Harry travel through Italy.

My son picked up on two interesting aspects about Italy through the illustrations; First, that Italy is shaped like a boot, as the story describes and a beautiful illustration portrays; Second, my son remembered that the cultural colors of Italy are green, white and red! I was impressed that he remembered both pieces of information!

This book covers a multitude of facts about Italy including the use of gondolas, visiting St. Mark's Square and learning what a Patron Saint is. The pups also learned about Rialto Bridge and "Carnivale de Venezia" with it's elaborate masks! The book ends with a short list of fun Italian phrases and useful words.

For more information about Bella and Harry and to see more fun, visit their website at: BellaandHarry.com.

This book is published by Trimark Press, Inc. 

Reading level would be ideal for ages 4+ with a more comprehensive understanding for ages 8+.

KIDZ BOP 20

With more than eleven million KIDZ BOP CDs sold, one Platinum Record, and 9 Gold Records, KIDZ BOP is the number one music brand in the U.S.! Their latest CD, 

KIDZ BOP 20 is sure to be another hit!

KIDZ BOP 20 is celebrating it's 10th Anniversary with a new class of talented kids performing well known songs such as:

Born This Way

Perfect

Never Say Never

Who Says

and

The Lazy Song

We played this CD at my son's recent birthday party. The guests went wild and broke out in hip-hop moves and sang the songs they knew! I was so excited that this CD added a fun and exciting dimension to my son's party that was completely unexpected!

Additionally, we went to the website, KIDZBOP.com where we listened to birthday themed celebrity shout outs, watched video props and investigated fun activities as part of the "Official KIDZ BOP Birthday Bash Super Contest"! It was a very cool website!

KIDZBOP is available at KIDZBOP SHOP and iTunes

Appropriate for children ages 5 - 12




Thanks to the companies featured for providing product samples.

   

My Misunderstood Child

"Shades of the prison-house begin to close

Upon the growing boy..."

- Wordsworth

Every August, before school begins for the new year, my son is retested for his myriad learning disabilities. We chose August because as parents, we want to know how our son is doing immediately prior to school beginning. By doing this, we can discuss with the school what services my son would possibly need. For the past two years, the professionals have recommended intensive services and interventions for my son. 

This year, my son scored the lowest he ever had before on each of the different assessments. Each professional was outraged that, despite their strong indication for intensive services, my son has been given the smallest amount of services possible.

My husband and I had requested meetings with the principal and administrators, whom all blatantly disregarded our requests. Now my son is in jeopardy of failing out of third grade without having even stepped into his new classroom.

We will once again ask to meet with the administrators of my son's school to see whether they will comply with the lengthy list of accommodations my son will need. By law, the school has 30 days to begin to act on our request. If nothing is being done, we were given the name of a lawyer who works with cases such as ours, in our school district, to advocate what is needed for our son. We understand that this lawyer is a "wolf." I think that a "wolf" lawyer is a perfect match for our school district.

Ever since I started to prepare appointments to be made for my son, I have been reading a book called, "The Unromantic Child," written as a memoir by Priscilla Gilman about her disabled son. Even with it's unusual title, this book had been calling me. I kept seeing advertisements for it. The author did interviews about it. For some reason, I just couldn't get this book out of my mind. I ended up buying it.

I won't reveal the details of the book, other than to say that if you are the parent of a Special Needs child, you should read this book. I haven't finished it yet, however I feel that this book resonates my life with my son. It also validates many of the feelings that a parent of a Special Needs child goes through, especially a Mother. Ms. Gilman writes, "Life is a wild roller-coaster right now and I am hanging on for dear life. To think that after all the work and time I invested into finding ways to help my son, the fact that it may not work out is extremely dispiriting and scary." She goes on to say, "How very much I love him, how much I want him to be happy, how agonizing it is to think of him suffering and unable to express himself because of his language issues. There is nothing I wouldn't do for him but I'm not sure what to do, and that is the most frustrating thing of all."

I know exactly how she feels. I wake up every single day wondering how I can better manage my son. Can I do anything more than I am doing to see my son exceed. My son happens to also be very bright. Every professional that has tested him has uttered those very words. What must it feel like to be aware of the fact that certain things you learn come so easily for you, it almost seems like osmosis? On the other hand, because you are so aware, you just can't comprehend why simple things, such as reading and writing seem so "natural" to those around you, yet you just can't do it, no matter how hard you try? I am in constant wonder as to what that must seem like. It would be one thing if my child had deficiencies across the board. But to know that he identifies his deficiencies and they don't make sense to him, breaks my heart even more. What must it appear like having a discussion about how the earth moves in two different ways, yet be unable to even be able to spell "planet." I simply just cannot imagine.

I remain steadfast in my optimism. As Ms. Gilman relates, "In the last month, I've realized in a way I never had before that this is and will be my life - this day-to-day work on and for my son. He will improve and develop and there will be many rewarding moments. But he has a lifelong disability and he will always need loads of effort on his behalf, both in every single interaction with him and with his teachers and therapists. It can be extremely exhausting and overwhelming...But the blessings of being his mother far outweigh the worry and stress and fatigue. Truly he has made me infinitely stronger, more patient, and compassionate person. I can do this. But I will need all the support and love I can get behind me." I am eternally thankful for all the support that I have garnered over the years, as well.

I am interested and eager to see what this school will be doing for my son this year. I am especially relieved that I will be able to call on "Mr. Wolf" lawyer if needed. Based on past experience with this school, I intend to be having conversations with "Mr. Wolf" within the next month or so. This is a huge relief. The "fight" in me is always there, but I end up entirely worn at the end of it. It's the same with my divorce lawyer. I get upset about issues, call my lawyer, she takes care of them. I go on my merry way. I want the same from "Mr. Wolf." Let him write letters, make calls and fight the school administrators. It will be one less constant anxiety to live with. I can already feel the tension release in my body.

As for my son. He is persistent and unrelenting. If he wants something badly enough, he will find a way to make it happen. Like opening a "child proof," empty medication container today. He constantly amazes me. I anticipate he always will.

"A temper known to those, who, after long

And weary expectation, have been blest

With sudden happiness beyond all hope."

- Wordsworth, "Nutting"

My Time at BlogHer '11

Sculpture made out of Ivory Soap

This was my first time at a BlogHer conference and what better place to have it than in gorgeous San Diego! 

I stayed at the decadent Omni Hotel. I'm glad that the first hotel choice was booked when I registered because the Omni was first class in every respect!  All the way down to complementary hot coffee in front of my door every morning!

I arrived a day early to overcome jet lag and give myself time to unwind and tool around the area a little. I ended up falling asleep at 5pm PST! But I did get to visit some nice shops in the neighborhood.

The convention began the next day with only seminars during the day. The fun part, called the Expo, opened at the end of the day, for two hours. It always is the part of conferences that are the most exciting! I was second in line of a flood of bloggers waiting to get inside! Upon visiting only a fraction of the vendors, I collected so many freebees that I had three tote bags full of goodies! After the second day of visiting the Expo floor, I had collected so many samples that I ended up shipping a large box of these goodies home! 

Interestingly, it appeared that this convention was definitely focused on Moms. There were bloggers with babies in slings, changing stations, nursing stations, toddlers who's Mom's got permission to test out the numerous toys from toy manufacturers...I certainly was at the perfect event as a MotherhoodLater.com blogger! This was the main reason I collected so many items. About three-quarters of the vendors were marketing to “Parenting Bloggers.” I have numerous requests to review products from these vendors. Look for my blog product reviews soon!

To give you a glimpse of what my time at the Expo center was like...

I had fun meeting Buddy, from the PBS Kids Dinosaur Train show...

I cooked risotto with famous chef, Marco Pierre White, from the UK...

He even autographed his newest book for me!

I was even asked permission to be filmed as a possible Febreze commercial "tester!"

Fun and excitement was everywhere! Bloggers were allowed to send Hallmark cards for free to any Mom friends they wanted! Postage included! Again, all of the card choices were geared towards Moms and only Moms. But I had a relaxing time filling out cards to friends, while sitting in big, comfy chairs!

When I arrived back at my hotel at the end of the second day, there was a complementary bottle of white wine called, "Mommy Juice" sitting in my room. After receiving that, I knew that this conference was definitely focused on Moms. I wrote a blog about Moms who are now turning to drinking alcoholic beverages at the end of their harried days, about a year ago. I am sad to say that I have friends who do this. Now they are marketing wine specifically to this group. 

By the third day, I was spent. Between running from seminar to seminar and carting freebees all over the Expo, I made a beeline to my hotel, dropped off my conference items in my room, and went outside to the pool area to lay on a lounge chair and take in some of the setting San Diego sun! It was pure bliss!

Now I am back to the heat and humidity that NYC is known for in the summer. I am particularly glad that the BlogHer conference next year will actually be in NYC!! I will be bringing a rolling bag to the conference each day, emptying it when I get home, and start fresh the next day! Thank goodness they were giving out free Thermacare patches for the lower back! I needed them at the end of each day! But the experience was unforgettable! Now I can’t wait for next year’s conference!

On This Day You Were Born...

You were born exactly 8 years ago today at 8:15 pm. You came into this world wailing a hearty cry. I could not see nor speak. Still, I knew at that moment that you had a very strong, tenacious trait. After being “stuck,” back facing, in the birth canal, with 4 hours of pushing, you still had an Apgar score of 9.5. I knew it then and I know it now. You are a survivor.

Your determined and persistent manner was still evident through your colic and your tantrums. To me, it was a “sign”: An unmet need; A desire unfulfilled; An intellect that just didn’t understand why you couldn’t have what you wanted or do what you desired.

I “heard” you time and time again, “But don’t you understand?? I can do it!” Sometimes I let you, “follow your intuition.” To my knowledge, you never overestimated yourself. This gave me the assurance to let you spread your wings even more. Others scolded me for listening to my intuition about you. But we were as one. We always have been. We always will be.

There was, and remains, a certain “precociousness” about you. Yet at age four I innately  picked up on your first disorder. At age 5, I picked up on a second. Again, at age 6, a third. And recently a fourth was discovered. You are a fighter. I have every confidence that you will overcome each and every one of these disorders either with special guidance or through my own steadfast advocacy. For some of them you will find your own way to compensate or overcome. I have no doubt that you will succeed in what ever way possible. I know you. You will make it happen!

My precious son, you have the most diverse character of anyone I’ve ever known. I could list 1,000 attributes. The ones that truly shine are your kindness, compassion, and respect for others. Your assertiveness in dealing with others who are inconsiderate is unprecedented. I have never seen you become aggressive towards anyone. Not even at age 2 when another 2 year-old would come over and take the toy you were playing with out of your hands. You are also the MOST social person I know! I never worry about you making friends or finding a playmate. Others are drawn to you just as you are drawn to them. This quality in you is remarkable. It makes me envious. Your nature fascinates me. I study you to see if I can learn some of your “social graces.” I’ve discovered that it is uniquely a part of you. It brings me pride and joy to see you so comfortable with your peers and with yourself.

Over this past year, I have had snippets of conversation with you that have blown me away or left my mouth agape. Your question to me as to who’s picture is on a $100 bill. I didn’t know. You told me. I had to google it to see if you were right. You were. Our discussion about the four chambers of the heart astounded me. When you asked me about the polarization of magnets, I almost fell over. Yet still, with your literary disorders, you can barely read the word “heart” let alone spell it. This breaks my own heart. But any child with your pertinaciousness will not only learn to read and write “heart” some day, you just might be an expert on one in the future. For this, I have no doubt.

Your physical talents are equally strong as your mind. You have a natural predisposition for so many physical activities. Yet, it is impossible to nurture them all. Right now you have chosen karate and swimming to excel at. I personally think you would be a phenomenal gymnast. There will be other options as you grow older. I could bet money you will spend your summers as a lifeguard! No matter how much sunscreen SPF 70 we slather on you, your skin tans to bronze. And I pay good money to get highlights in my hair that you get naturally from the sun each summer! You are my son, and you are gorgeous! The beauty that shines from your inside is also just as strong as the sun!

Eight years have passed by so quickly. However our future holds some rocky turf ahead. It will initially will be rough, as you also carry quite a bit of sensitivity in you. Once we shed our tears and hold each other tight, you will march on and hold your head up high. My shoulder will always be there should you need to rest it and rejuvenate yourself. Then off you will go, like a bird that has found it’s wings.

Fly, my sweet child, fly! I will always be at the nest should you need to rest those astouding wings!

This blog is dedicated to my absolutely sensational son, Brandon! Happy 8th Birthday, Sweetheart! May you continue to embrace life with both hands and feel each moment fully! You are my pride, my love, my world, my own special gift! I will never be able to express how deep the love I have for you is. May that love continue to grow exponentially, forever!