Going Biblical on Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving. I've always loved Thanksgiving. It’s my favorite holiday. There are no gifts to give. There is no religious affiliation. It always centered on family for me. A crackling fire in the fireplace. Lounging around in comfy clothes. Helping and testing the homemade delectables being prepared and cooked. I've had many wonderful memories of Thanksgiving.

Once I married, I started making the turkey for my extended family. No amount of preparation squelched my enthusiasm for making the most delicious turkey I could possibly present. I never let anyone down. I basked in the delicious aroma that permeated my house! Most important, I adore almost all traditional Thanksgiving food! Yes, even the cranberry sauce, even if it is canned!

Last year was the first year my husband and I began sharing holidays with my son independently. What is most important to me is that my son is with whichever household has other children he can play with. My lawyer goes nuts when I bring this up, but my son's happiness supersedes my "turn" to have my son on a holiday. I will probably always have my son for Christmas purely for the fact that my husband is Jewish. I am always invited to my BFF's home. She has a son who is my son's age and her sister has two slightly younger children of her own. My son has a fantastic time when he is there! Conversely, my in-laws usually have either my son's cousins over on Thanksgiving or friends who have children close to my son's age. Why would I want to deprive my son fun on a holiday purely because the judicial system says it has to be "fair and balanced." I don't give a hoot about "fair and balanced!" I care about what is in the best interest of my son.

Well, I have no meal plans this year for Thanksgiving. My son will be going to my in-law's, where other children will also be present. I will have my son until about 1pm. We'll watch the parade in our pajamas and do some quiet things together. Then I have something very unusual planned for myself. I will be going into NYC to see an exhibit of the "Dead Sea Scrolls." For those of you who are unfamiliar with this, these scrolls are a collection of 972 texts from the Hebrew Bible and extra-biblical documents found between 1947 and 1956 on the northwest shore of the Dead Sea, from which they derive their name. The texts are of great religious and historical significance, as they include the oldest known surviving copies of Biblical and extra-biblical documents. They are written in Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek. These manuscripts generally date between 150 BCE and 70 CE.

I have a passion and growing interest in theology, so, for me, this will be a special treat. I will be going in the late afternoon, once the throngs of parade watchers have moved on to gather at their feasts. I am looking forward to seeing something biblical, up close, yielding awe. The fact that these scrolls lasted a couple thousand years and are somewhat intact, is an amazement in itself.

For this Thanksgiving, I am shaking things up a bit. While I used to love Thanksgiving for it’s non-religious affiliations, I am now bringing a little bit of historic theology to this holiday. I am also doing something purely for myself. And, thankfully, I won’t be gorging on food and the extra calories my body doesn’t need.

I may make a small turkey breast for my Maxi dog and myself. I’ll add a baked sweet potato for color, but that’s about it. A nice, quiet Thanksgiving. Even if I’m making it biblical!

Wishing all of our readers a very festive,

Happy Thanksgiving!!

The New Journey

As a sequel to my former two blogs, I continue with my issue of divorce, but in a much more positive way. From the comments from last week’s blog, as well as some very meaningful advice from my therapist and even my Rabbi, I’ve begun what we are referring to as my “New Journey.”

This all started when I sat with my therapist and began to lambaste my husband about the new things he is doing (such as going skiing), with my son. I ranted and raved that I used to ski, but gave it up because my husband had no interest in it. My therapist then explained to me what she terms, “The Journey.”

As she described it, many people go through different “Journeys” during their lifetimes. Some couples are able to manage going through these journeys together. Other couples end up apart, because their personal journeys conflict for some reason and the couple is unable to merge their journeys together. She was essentially saying that my husband and I have grown apart in certain ways. And although I was willing to try to “merge” our different interests, he was not. She said that for some reason, he doesn’t want to include you on his new path in life. He wants something different. And he wants to do it alone or only include our son.

As painful as it was to hear this, I had to admit that my husband and I had been pursuing interests that neither one of us would have wanted to participate in. I no more would want to participate in an all day bike-a-thon than he would want to learn about theology. Our paths were already diverging.

My Rabbi, coincidentally, also used the word “journey” when I was discussing my current state of mind. She also felt that sometimes two people come together and have common interests and goals, only to find out that they have literally grown out of each other. And she reiterated that my husband already has started to move on and that I needed to try to do the same as well. Walking around with bitterness and resentment regarding a situation I can and never will be able to change is counter productive, at the least. I need to move on also.

My only lingering question to both my therapist and Rabbi was, “But what about my son? He is an innocent victim in all of this.” They both eluded that he would have to form his own “journey” through all of this. And if he needed counseling to help him do that, I would provide it.

So, here I am embarking on my New Journey. To be quite honest, I don’t even know what that is or where I am going. Except for taking a new class in theology, not much has changed in my life. Except for one really important thing:  My son has needed to go to bed much earlier the past couple of weeks because he is now sleeping longer than his usual 8 hours. Once we turn out the lights, he asks to hold my hand or arm as he drifts off. At first I was annoyed that I had to spend that extra time doing “nothing.” But I heard my therapist’s voice in the back of my head saying, “He is regressing a little. He’s clinging because he needs you.” So I decided to take the time I now use to help him fall asleep and utilize it towards something I used to do religiously, but found I was unable to fit it in at all in my chaotic life: Meditate. I sit on the floor, next to my son’s bed, as he holds my hand with his little one, and I clear my mind and breathe long, deep, slow breaths. And I realized a couple days ago that I was beginning my New Journey! I was starting to meditate again! And hopefully this will work its way into other facets of my life. Eventually my new path will be filled with new endeavors, new people and new goals. And I will have my son to share what I find interesting in my journey.

Amidst the worldly comings and goings, observe how endings become beginnings

~ Tao Te Ching ~

I couldn’t have said it more eloquently myself.